Karmin-sanity

Karmin, is a duo that became famous through Youtube.

I first found out about them when a friend of mine posted this video on Facebook.



She can really rap huh! If you didn't already know, I'm a huge fan of rap and hip hop. So the fact that she's flippin' pretty, plus she can rap, made her a billion times hotter than she already is.

And only recently had I found out that their single 'Crash Your Party' is already appearing on Channel V and MTV.



I got hooked onto it the moment I listened to it for the first time. It's been on repeat along with 'Brokenhearted' for the whole of yesterday and today.


Isn't she really pretty? She's prettier with her hair down.

Congratulations if you're still reading on.

It was actually her whom I found out about this band from. From then on, I followed them on youtube, not closely enough though. Everytime I see their videos, the lady, Amy Heidermann, reminds me of her. I feel that they look kinda alike, and their personalities are quite similar too. Maybe it's the fact that she was the one, whom I found this band out, from that connected the dots. I kinda hate the fact that I still like you so damn much.

Soft side.

Old friend, where are you? How have you been? Has life been treating you well? There are so many questions lingering, but I'm going to stop here.
I've missed you, do you know that?(Maybe just one more.) The only person that came into mind when I was listening to this song was you. I wonder why. Then I started reading up some of the old blog posts I made about you. And the chats we used to have. You don't know how much I've changed, you really don't.
"Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made". Flipping bad memories of the awkward moments after my confession. So much regrets on my side. How I wish my friends would take the initiative to ask her if she's ever felt something for me.
"I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over."
"Who would have known how, bittersweet this would taste"

I know you're happily attached, and you couldn't be happier.

This tweet was when I saw you for the first time in months, back in December. And it's already been 2 months since that day. We said hi, we said bye. I tried to smile, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't force out a smile to face you. I was selfish, and I'm sorry. Because sometimes it last in love, but I guess mine hurts.

I wasn't really into this song at first, but after listening to a few covers of it, I started to love it more and more.
After listening to it continuously for three consecutive days, I've memorized the lyrics.
What made this video so much better is that she seemed like she was going to cry. That's how singing with emotions is like.

Oh, the meaning of the title of the post?
My soft side, love songs. Hits me like a rock, straight through to the heart. Makes my heart wrench, whenever the memories come flowing back. 

And this second video gave me the goosebumps.
Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love (Live In Sydney)

Where's the love?

One last one!
Kina Grannis - Back To December (Cover)

You gave me hope.

You had me at hello.

I still read our old conversations when I miss you.
They're perfect memories that I keep to remind me of what I thought we used to have.

I asked a somewhat close friend of hers yesterday if she's attached to the guy I think she is attached to. She was reluctant to tell me at first, but she eventually caved in. I was right from the start, I got the right dude.
And when she told me that, she also asked me to not be 'emo' and give up on her. I assured her that I had long ago given up on her. But I guess that's not what my heart feels. I switched off. I kept the songs blasting at full volume, thoughts were raging through my mind.
And then, I had difficulties breathing. I took long and heavy breaths, it wasn't what I had expected. That feeling, I was so lost.

Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone.



I wish he treats you well, and he makes you feel like a princess. This is a lie, but I hope you two will last. I hope he doesn't make you cry. I hope in a few months time when you see me, you will at least say hi and acknowledge my teeny tiny non-significant existence. And you will see the change in me. I hope for nothing but the best for you and whoever you choose to be with.

The truths.

12 June 2010 - 2 December 2010.
A short lived secret that was holding so well until everything went so wrong.

2 December 2010 - 21 September 2011.
The time I took to tell myself that I still stand a chance as long as you're single.
But it turns out, the things my friend told me are true. You really are blissfully attached. I hope he treats you well, I really do. But do you know how much it hurts to see you with another dude?

21st September 2011 was the last time we met in one of my dumb dreams.
From then on, I told myself that it was enough.
I started to forget you, slowly but surely. I erased all of the memories in my mind, I really did try. But everytime you reblog something from my tumblr, I get the urge to go to your blog and see what you have posted. It's always the sweet and romantic stuffs, and it's always about how happy you are.

I don't know if I got the right guy, but he somehow became my inspiration. You seemed really close to him in that one picture.
I looked myself in the mirror and told myself "Fuck dude, why the fuck are you so scrawny and weak. You ain't going to get no chicks like her to like you if you continue living your life like this."


So on the 1st of September 2011, the road to being toned or brawny began.
It was just once a week of gym at first. But it's no longer the case anymore. The 5 weeks of holidays I had, was time well spent in the gym. I visited the gym twice a week, and I think there's a little change in me.

But last week, I looked myself in the mirror again after weighing myself. I knew I had to do something drastic. 5 times a week, that's the minimum amount of times I must exercise. I must jog twice a week and go to the gym 3 times a week. I need this, I really do. I want you to see the change in me. I'm doing this because of you.

Holidays.

I've finally ended my semester! It had been a blast..

The last week of school was really something.. I actually missed the desk I had work on for 5 months when it was time to go.
I cleaned it up, disposed of all the unwanted stuffs, and it looked really clean. I really am going to miss sitting there for hours and hours, doing nothing productive for the whole day..


As I said, the last week of school was something..
My friends told me they bumped into her on the train and the first thing she asked them was how I have been. I didn't believe it, no matter how much I wish it was true.
So I went home, my mind filled with thoughts. I caved in, I asked my friend to tell me more about their meeting. He said that she asked them this question 'How is everyone doing? Eamon and the rest?'. I didn't know how to feel. It was really confusing. I wish someone would tell me what this mean, in a girl's point of view.

And rumor has it that, she's attached. Crushed beyond words can ever explain.

Introduction

It's about time I show you guys who's the girl that I'm hopelessly in love with.




Ain't she gorgeous? To me she is, and that's all that matters.
I don't really have much to say. Just don't fall in love with her please. Thanks.

Gone; Past.

Where have you gone to? How have you been? It seems like forever since we last communicated, or even see each other. We no longer look each other in the eye ever since that fateful day. My friend told me that you're attached. I hope that's not true. I would be crushed if you are with another guy. This feeling has been with me for over a year now, do you know that? Do you know how much I think of you and how it kills me to know that everything is different between us and all that is left are memories.

The other day when I saw you, it felt like ages ago. And you seemed really worn out. It kinda pains my heart when I saw you in that state. And when my friend broke the 'news' to me, I got a little too jealous. But I hid every emotion inside of me. I felt awful and I don't want to believe that.

There are so many things I wanna tell you, but I guess that won't happen. I just hope that you have been well, and everything is going smoothly for you. You might never read this, but if you do chance upon this, take care of yourself.

Dream and reality.

Dear girl, I dreamt of you again. This time, we were leaning by our shoulders. We sat side by side, sweet as sugar. I felt your shoulders, against mine. I swear it felt so real, I wouldn't mind living on in that dream forever.

And that CD that you want, Imma get it for you. But there's one thing I'm not sure of. I don't know if I should stuff it inside your letter box, and remain anonymous. Or should I give it to you upfront. I asked a female friend of mine, how would she feel if someone was to stuff something she have always wanted into her letter box and remained anonymous. She said she would be thankful, and that gesture would be really sweet.

But then again, I showed my mom her tumblr, and asked her what should I do. She asked me to give it to her upfront. It might even help this strained friendship out.

It's been a year now. Time flies. I still miss you.

Deja Vu

Went home with her again. Took the same bus, alighted at the interchange and exchanged a few words before she boarded her bus. The past few months were torturous for me. I deleted her from my messenger because I didn't want to cave in to temptation when I see her online. I want to leave her alone after the awkward confession back in December. So the small talk we had was really something I needed. Oh and when I walk past her in school or something, I would try not to look at her because I wanted her to know I have a choice too. So, yeah, kinda stupid of me. Texted her when she boarded her bus to ask her to text me when she got home safely. Received her text later on, and I got to admit I was happy.

The deja vu part is when we were talking wayyyy back in August or something, and I took my bus ride home smiling grin to grin because she signed on my cast. The sweet memories, how I miss the time. Hope I brought a smile to her face, I know she brought one to mine.
If you find this post REALLY weird and pointless, then maybe because it IS weird AND pointless. Just needed to blog out how today was really something.
Till then.

Love story ; A broken one.

I wasn't looking when I stumbled onto you, must have been fate. -Eminem

Ok let's start. I'll start by saying that
1) I've never had so much to talk to a girl I like, in person.
2) I've never had a girl sitting beside me on the way home in a bus and just sharing the moment.
3) I've never had a girl sign on me(cast for my broken arm), with <3 in it.
4) I've never met a girl I like, while doing something I enjoy.

To summarise things up, she's really the first girl I think I would go out with or even try everything to be with her.
Now, let's officially start.

I joined the Frisbee Sports Club on January 2010. I was persuaded by a few friends of mine to try it out. And the club was really small when we first joined, and then they had plans to expand it. May came, and the club got expanded real big. People swarmed in to train with us, and well, I didn't really noticed her. Then people started leaving the club because they got bored of it, but she stayed. Then we started seeing more of each other. And one fine day after training, the team decided to go over to the mall to have lunch together. I sat, directly opposite her. I was kinda shy at first, but she was really really friendly. 6 of us sat at one table and had buffet for lunch. We talked, laughed, joked around and just enjoyed ourselves. I didn't know I could be so natural around girls.
And so coincidentally, we live a couple of streets away from each other. So we took the same bus back home that day. I sat next to her, but we didn't chat, I guess we still weren't that close. Time passed, and trainings after trainings, we got to know each other more. I added her on MSN and chatted with her.
Blablabla, forwarding a couple of months later. I broke my elbow during a competition, but I still attended trainings, to see her of course. And when I had my cast on, she actually signed on it! She wrote "Get well soon! ***(Her name), <3."
She signed it while we were on our way home in the bus, with her sitting beside me. I was lost for words and we actually sat down after the bus ride to chat for a few minutes.

Well, I guess I suck at telling a story, you must be in my shoes to know how it felt like. Everything was so.... dreamy. Her grabbing hold of my shirt when we watched the competition together, she sitting by me, smiling to me, texting me, and just being there with me was all I could ever ask for. And you know what, just by typing this paragraph down, I'm starting to feel the heartache because everything is gone. Tho nothing ever started, it's gone. I even got the same phone as her so that we could bbm. But I guess she will never know the reason behind it.

I really liked you alot, so much that I think I would call it love. I know it's a strong word, but you never gave me a chance to prove myself. I think I still like you, even after trying to fall for another girl. Nothing worked out between the other girl and I, and nothing worked out between us. I really really like you, I really do.
I must end here, I'm getting kinda too sad.
Sorry for this nonsense you just read.

Past, present, future ; History

I somehow can't believe the changes in me. For the past year, I've changed.
From being a loner in a new school, to being an emo, to being in a sports club and suddenly having tons of friends, to becoming a person everyone talked to, to becoming the person returing to people whom he've neglected.
I'm sorry for everything I've done, everything I didn't do, every word I said, every promise I made.
I've seen alot of people, I've made alot of friends. And all of a sudden, all of them are becoming my enemies. Must be those words I said, those post I made. Once so well liked, I am now a common object for them to hate on and talk bad about. But maybe I think too highly of myself, that I would even cross their minds.

I've learnt to be humble, in so many ways. From rejections, to backstabbings, I've seen it all. And you know what's the funny part, I still seem to be too arrogant for some people. I guess one can never please everybody.

Have you ever fell for a certain someone, get rejected by him/her. Carried on with your lives, falling for other people thinking that they would fill the shoes the previous one left, but at the end of the day you realise you're still deeply in love with the previous one? I have, I am going through that stage right now.
I can't seem to forget the girl I fell for so deeply with, because of all the things that we did and didn't do together.
To me, it's kinda like a story. And she's the only girl I've had such deep feelings for. But it's sad how she rejected me, and we've never talked from that day on.

Where's the confidence?

I was browsing through tumblr, then I saw my friend's posts. She reblogged all the stuffs that are self-discriminating and I don't know how she has lost all of her self-confidence.
To me, she's pretty, smart, cute and her voice was a-okay. But she finds herself ugly, stupid and her voice to be "too manly".

I don't get it. If someone like her have no confidence of herself, shouldn't someone out there tell her that she's awesome? I want to, but I don't dare to. Because I fell in love with her before. No it's not some mushy love story or a lie. It's true. I wanted to be with her, but she didn't. So I guess I had to move on. And I'm pretty glad I did.

To anyone out there that's reading this(Sound like some zombie movie and the lead is trying to reach out to survivors with a video cam or radio.), have confidence. You are not perfect, no one is. Everyone has flaws, some embrace them, the rest just hide them. I know it's easier said than done, because I have lots of issues with myself too. But do know that, everyday I wake up and tell myself that, I was born this way for a reason, to be special. An individual that owns every single one of this features that no one else has.


Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
-Lady Gaga(Born this way)