Uni, fucking, corn.

Let's move on, from the fairy fucking tales. Let's just settle down on the idea that we'll never find each other.

We'll forever be wandering them halls alone, them streets alone, sipping tea in the afternoon by the coffee shop alone. We'll find someone, we'll talk for abit. We'll both think that we're made to fit. Then like the rest of all things, time takes its toll. We begin to realize and put things on hold. 'Not for me', she thought to herself, as has she always. "She's great, I like her alot." he spilled the beans, to his friends over a couple of drinks. He said something one night, she read the text and never replied. His mind wrecked in the next couple of hours, days even, as he pondered over his words. She never text back, he said not another. He waited and waited, but never came her number. He loses all hope, she moved on to the next bloke. He shouted "NOT ANOTHER, NO MORE WILL THIS HAPPEN", his voice drowned by the fire alarm siren. He smoked his lungs out, he dried out his liver. He spent nights and days in the pub he never lingered. Those days are gone, he's finally moved on. It took him over a thousand replays on the same old song. "She's perfect for me", he whispered alone. Knowing not she'll one day be a past he'll once again look back on.

Something I still do every once in awhile. No where near Shakespeare, I know. I don't really give a fuck no more.

Not that crazy, not that funny. Not that interesting, not that cool. I'm not that.

It's not self destruction. That's not happening to me. Self destruction would mean giving up all of my beliefs. Like smoking; smoking cigarettes. Having one night stands. & all that. I'm not doing any of those. I'm merely heading out every god damn weekend to find fun elsewhere. To go out for a breather of some sort, because life is hard enough without work.

There's something special about people and parties. The way they all jump in sync. They way they all shout and scream. The smiles on their faces, the way their heart races. The kisses, the hugs, the sweat and the blood. Only time when worries and sorrows are all put aside. Jobs and schools are briefly forgotten. Smoke weed, drink booze, party like we've got nothing to lose.

"Don't depend too much on anyone in this world. Because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness." -Ibn Taymiyyah

It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone. & they say it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

They're all liars. Pretty little liars.

Gohardwellorgohome

Love's a joke. I really do think that.
Love don't last, because like us, it dies in the end.

Hardwell turnt the fuck up on Friday. It was balls. We went hard.



Jumped, screamed, shouted, pushed, stepped, raved, danced, pumped, swung, spun, hugged, singed and all that shit. We went in at 2030, squeezed to the front of the damn place, and stayed till 2320. Nearly three hours of non stop craziness and dehydration. I swear I came out feeling like I could fly. It was so addictive. To get lost in the music and atmosphere. Forgetting every damn thing for just that few hours, and feeling happy.

We're all masked motherfuckers. Forever lying our way through things. Thinking everything's gonna be alright, when in reality we're all messed up in our own little ways. We search for greater things in life. It's been summer for a very, very long time. I'm sick of the heat. I thought Friday changed the season, it felt that way for a moment. It's such a pleasant surprise to know that perhaps not all is lost. To be recognised, to feel that you're not all that bad.

 
Autumn, you're very much needed right now. You seemed right, at that time. I thought maybe you arrived just in time. You delayed yourself, that's alright. Just as long as you find your way through, I'll be here. Like I have been all these while. And if Summer's ever gonna return, it's all right. Nothing last, & such is life. We find, we lose, we move on and the cycle god damn repeats its fucking self till we die.

We're all lost souls searching for a place to hide. Ride out till the storm's gone. & if you are pleased, you can stay here forever. This hiding place is yours to keep.


I learn that I used to fucking love sadness. It's something I needed to feel every once in awhile to know that I'm still sane. But after 21 fucking years, happiness is taking the wheel. I lose myself in music, in a sea of strangers bobbing and jumping to the beat, feeling infinite. & at that time, I swear we were all immortals. Because, losing all hope was freedom. And I seek freedom in this life of mine.

Summer: Day 470