I'll write you like you're my last few words.

Hi you,

Stupid, wonderful, crazy, funny, beautiful you. What the fuck are you doing? You can't just come into my life unannounced, and expecting me to not fall for you. Haven't you learned from the past, that I always fall easily? Like I told F(yes, she's a new girl but we're just friends), you're amazingly talented, has long hair, big beautiful eyes, plays the guitar, sings crazily well, athletic, loves animals, drinks beer, is a leftie, and loves LFC.

You're, in my dictionary, perfect.

That cab ride home was the epitome of 2014. It's been 7 long months since I last held someone's hands. Leaving out the times in clubs when I was drunk and stupid, this was obviously intentional and very much sober. The way you breathed so heavily while trying to fall asleep on my shoulder, in the cab, the part of me that wanted none of those, died.

I don't know what you see in me, I really don't. But like I've always said, and believed, "I'm not good at much, but I'll be good to you." If you're the one, then yes, those words are for you.

Just when I've broken down,  I found love can come again.

You touched me so teasingly, so endearing, that feeling, emotion, I thought I've lost long ago suddenly re-emerged. & when our fingers interlocked, I knew I was in trouble. Deep water I know I cannot get out of. And indeed, I spent the next day pondering what happened and what all those meant. I told almost everyone close to me, and sought for advice. I spent the whole of the next day thinking about you.

You have no idea how beautiful you are. When I saw you talking to them, I was mesmerized, I'm sure they were too. Thankfully for the bro code, or my friends would be all over you. Crazy talented, unimaginably beautiful, adorably crazy. I will write you like you're my last few words. I'm that sort of person, just in case you don't know. I will hold you proud, even if you don't. I'm that crazy type of person who loves, and loves too deep. Either that, or I don't love at all. I don't, and have never, believe in 'skinlationship', if that's even a known lingo to anyone. We either go hardcore, or we don't go at all. 

So dear P, thank you for being amazing. But if you're going to leave, do it now. I don't want another case of touch and go. Especially not with you. We've known each other for close to 2 years, and we've only come this far. Leave before this gets any messier. It'll do good for both of us. Because there is no competition on this side of the grass, but for your side I cannot say the same. The amount of love you get, I believe is way more than I have ever had in my entire life. I have enough scars, one more won't change me, but it definitely won't do my sanity good. 

Leave, P, or stay. Your move.

"For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. 

So crumble. Collapse. This is not your destruction. 

This is your birth."

 

Dream Diary

"I give a fuck. I give lots of fuck, actually. I'm a prostitute of feelings."

It was but a normal routine of checking stuffs out on my phone right until the moment before I doze off into happyland. Then my phone lit up as I set it down, preparing to rest. Your name popped up, not once, not twice, but half a dozen times. "*** reblogged your post on tumblr" x 6. And then a snapchat of nothing but the words 'Night mozzie lover' came and it made me chuckle a little. I set it down once again and snoozed into home.

It was me, you, and Leon, riding at the back of my dad's van. I persuaded my dad to fetch you home in the middle of the night. And that was just the beginning of every thing weird that happened in the dream. 

Upon reaching the foot of your block, I accompanied you to your door step. Things got mad weird. You opened the doors to your dad throwing things from his room, and your mom sobbing uncontrollably. You took off to your room, telling me with your derp language "much yellingz", and many other funky words which I don't remember. I walked in to see how you were doing and just happened to stand in the firing range of lamps, books and cups being thrown at my direction. Your dad was hysterical at this moment. You ran out of your house and I followed you. 

Crazily, a chair followed me. Your dad had flung a chair at me, and it got me right smack at my back. Me, being the crazy fellow that I have become, picked it up and challenged him to throw more stuffs at me. But before he could do anything, I broke the chair through my head and my ears buzzed soon after. He was shocked, and started to calm down. I took him in to one of your house's rooms, and talked to him. I can't vividly remember the full conversation, but I managed to talk some sense into him and he told me about stuffs. I said something along the line of "Young adults are meant to be wild and free", and "Don't hold it against her(You), she's just lost". I went out to look for you at the corridor and you hugged me. While walking towards the lift, you told me "你是我的英雄 2, because the first one was my ex. Thank you". We hugged again on the way down in the lift and I took the chance to kiss you. It calmed my nerves and it felt right. 

Your dad joined us at the void deck moments later and we started looking for something. He shared stories with me, and said something crazy to either you or thin air, because I'm sure it wasn't me. "He's the type of guy you want to marry. He protected you from the chair, and stood up for you. While your ex just looked for solutions to calm me down without actions. He's the type of guy you want to marry in the future". And that was too much for me to take in, and then I woke up.

A's gone and will never return. I will turn down A every god damn time, because she's damned by the gods to never be in my life. She's the wild ride I took once, and had enough of. The second time was but a crazier and wilder ride that took my lungs away. But as always, she and I were never meant to be. 

"My mind was all over the place, trying to be someone I thought you like." 

Dear you,

I'm messy, torn apart, uncertain in a million ways, and wild is but an understatement. I shift from love to hate in a matter of seconds because I've been taught to do that in the past year. My doors are left ajar for anyone who dare themselves to take up a challenge. I want change so great that even I'm afraid. I don't want anyone to come in, only to leave as soon as they have had enough of what I have to offer. And what I have to offer come and go in a matter of seconds. Dear you, I am made out of a thousand different versions of the past mes and the mes that I see myself to be one day. I will not only not work out smoothly, but I will also be your wildest nightmare. I am selfish, heartless, crazy, spontaneous, an emotional wreck, and I am not one for the future. Dear you, my wishes for the negatives always come true, one way or another. Please stop before I do anything stupid like Mosby you. 

Dreamer.

Day 24

"My mouth can't translate the things my heart says"

Dare me.

"Every day, start again."

So much respect for 'Da Hulk', I've watched this 12 minutes long video more than 5 times now. That's how much respect I have for him. How many human being can grow like him? How many human being can lift weights, and bend iron like he can? How many human being, if granted that they ever reached his physique, can still remain humble and keep their feet firmly planted on ground?

Wait for me big man, I'll be a skinny ass little hulk as compared to you one day. I'll be bigger, better, full of inks, and I'll try to bend iron like you one day. One day, I'll be successful.

Day 7. Belly getting a little out of control.

On a side note, I've been taking mass gainer every damn day, thrice to four times, each day. And I've only just gained 0.7kg. It's the worst diet I've ever put myself through, that I'm so disciplined about. I've never been more proud of myself than I am today. But sometimes I still wonder why I put myself through all these bullshit.

Haven.
Ig: emnism

The irony of me supporting Liverpool is that I always walk alone. & also, human beings are weird as fuck. It's like two different people cross paths, talk for a whole lot like they mean the world to each other, and one fine day just fall right apart. Tomorrows without them seem so hard to come, yet the endless amount of yesterdays spent with each other don't seem to matter anymore. People, weird fucking ass creatures.

Read this beautifully written article about loving someone.

If you love some, don't write about them.

Shuttershock

"I guess it started when I began writing my novel. I almost tweeted about it, actually. "I'm going to write a novel to help cope with the feelings I have for a boy." I deleted it immediately, due to the amount of embarrassment I felt for myself in the dreadful milliseconds the thought was a fully constructed sentence in my mind.

Somehow the idea for the novel derived from the entirety of this man. He mentioned something to me once in a text message, and without noticing exactly what I was doing, I was taking his small notion and turning it into an entire novel. I turned his 20 words into approximately 100,000 in no time, creating a lovely world for us to sink into cozily where no one could disturb us. It was nice at first, as all escapes are, but the addiction comes soon after.

The world became a lovely place to settle. Once the plot was constructed, and the setting was generalized enough to find my city somewhere in the pages, well, then all I had left were the characters that were so easily created. If all else failed that day, I had my writing to be with. And something about it always feels real; you can feel the emotion, the integrity, the love, the moments, even if they're just "made up."

This is how writes go crazy. Our fictional characters are not fictional, and I call bullshit to anyone who claims they actually created a character out of thin air. We can't draw lines as writers. We melt our fictional worlds with our reality and get lost in a sort of writer's purgatory, and that's why we get so hurt by who we love. It's always more to us.

Remember that time in the coffee shop? That's four pages, three years of thought, 1458 words. Remember that time we kissed on the bed when we were both really drunk at that party? That's eight pages, seven years of thought, more words than I can count.

So there you can find yourself, in my countless words and countless word documents, young and thriving in my memories where I can potentially keep you forever. The writing remains to stem from somewhere deeper than fiction." 

- Chelsea Moudry 

"I can turn you into poetry, but I cannot make you love me."

"I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be wanted. // The concept of being needed is way beyond my comprehension."


Dare me. One day, I'll succeed. 

Only if you mean it.

It was a farewell that took too long.
2013 is finally gone.

It was a year too crazy for me to put the details down in a few thousand words.

There were a billion 21sts we celebrated, K came and went, grew from a party goer to an alcoholic, had hangovers more times in a couple of months than I had in my entire life, went from sober to wasted, clean to inked and so on and so forth.

Numero Tres

2014 has begun, so a new chapter begins.

I am both excited and scared to embark on this new year. Time's passing too quickly, and before anyone ever realise it, 2014 will be over.

P has been nothing but a revelation for me. But I'm still trying to figure out what she will mean to me for this new year. I didn't do what I wanted to do before the clock struck twelve on December 31st. Plans don't work out the way you want them to, life.

A 'fluke' P drew. A stag swag.

I am both terrified and glad about what we have going on. I don't know, I never asked. Mind's telling me to go for it, but heart's telling me to stop for a bit.

Dear Universe,

Give me a sign.

- Em

"Say it only if you mean it. I'm done with maybes and hopefully-s. I want something definite. Something I can put my trust on and not be taken for granted. I want truths and nothing but truths. I want the courage in you.

Dear 2014,

I look forward to having challenges, and breaking them all. I look forward to having more inks and a better shaped me. I look forward to more travels and perhaps, just perhaps, love. I want this year to revolve more around me rather than them.

 I yearn for change, so drastic, people will come up to me and ask if I am still the same person I was a few months back. I yearn for greater things in life. I demand a life lived to the fullest this year. I crave to be something important, something bigger than just a subpar role in people's lives. 

More importantly, I want to be courageous. To do things I never thought of doing. Also, to be utterly straightforward and to chase for things I wouldn't normally chase after. I want to live life this year. I want to feel, I need to feel. This year, shall be legendary. 

-Em             

"In the depths of my soul, I longed to be a part of something large and good; something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for."

I am but bones and questions.

"Are you an idiot?"

"No, sir, I'm a dreamer"

"My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me they way I see myself."

I hate the beginning of anything new. The part where you yearn for the attention of the person you're talking to, though received, hardly comes easy. I don't like that feeling that you're often being forgotten, left at the back of their minds, only to be remembered when the night turns old.

The only real therapy right now for me is tattooing. I don't know why. It kinda takes my mind off of stuffs, and only concentrate on inking alone. Plus, the people there are really nice. Though heavily inked, they're pretty good people. & society tells us not to judge a book by its cover.

"Take shit in your stride."

But this situation I'm in, it's not all bad. It's making me grow. It's maturing me, mentally and emotionally. On one hand, I want to be single and live live without a care. But on the other, I want to be attached, tied down, and lead the couple life.

21 is a messy age for me. Everything's coming too quickly. The education of dollar bills and politics. Juggling time among family, friends and colleagues. Stepping into new relationships, meeting new people, trying stuffs out for the first time, taking risks, and all that shit. I was but a teenager a year ago. Society expect too much from 21 year olds.

I've also learnt to be straightforward this year. I'm going to risk losing P because I'm going to ask her something stupid but really important. I want to start 2014 afresh. If losing P is going to happen, I want it to happen before 2014. I want everything bad to stay in 2013. I'm crazy that way.

So here's to the last 5 days of 2013. Leave the bad stuffs behind. Let's move forward.

"I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words, but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, and disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling." - Hakuri Murakami

Something old, something new.

"You can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on, it's already gone."

Nothing matter more to me now than these bunch of crazy nutsacks who chose the weirdest person to be their friend. 

I'm done thinking that there are other people who are going to even come to par with these few people. They've seen me at my worst, at my best, when I'm down, literally on my back in a pool of my own puke, and when I'm standing tall as a motherfucker because my growth spurt was crazy.

They've seen me when I was clean, and when I'm inked. When I was skinny as a motherfucker, and when they can't beat me at arm wrestling. They've seen it all. They know my family, I know theirs. It's tough to forge real friendships. It's rough to rough out and find out how different we all are, but still coming to terms with the differences and accepting all of the faults.  

But if that one day really comes when we find better people in our lives, and we go our separate ways, then we will be our very own something old. Go for that something new, go for that fresher, greener pasture that awaits. Because the past has passed, and like Barney Stinson said 'New is always better'. 

A few days back when I almost got myself paralyzed, I thought about alot of stuffs. When the Chinese doctor stuck the two long ass needles down the back of my palm, and twisted and turned them for a good 15 minutes, thoughts raced through my mind. 

"The little iron man in the family's cracking.". Tears kept flowing down my face because the pain was insane. I tried my best to keep them in, but it didn't work. I squirmed and kicked when the pain was too much, but I took it all in. I saw my dad in myself at that moment. I heard how my sister felt my pain when she tried holding me down, and how she made sounds you would make if you saw a woman give birth to a child. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if I had a significant other by my side telling me it's gonna be all right". 

It's 30 days before 2014 kicks in. 2013 wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be. I thought 2013 would've been better. But it was one hell of an epic roller coaster ride which has made me learned a shit load of things. Maybe things will take a turn for the better. Maybe 2014 is the year where two wrongs make a right, where the opposites really do attract, and where all bad things do come to an end. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get back on track in life again. 

"Enough, they're enough & I'm happy with them".

"I'm not where I need to be, but thank god I'm not where I used to be"

Uni, fucking, corn.

Let's move on, from the fairy fucking tales. Let's just settle down on the idea that we'll never find each other.

We'll forever be wandering them halls alone, them streets alone, sipping tea in the afternoon by the coffee shop alone. We'll find someone, we'll talk for abit. We'll both think that we're made to fit. Then like the rest of all things, time takes its toll. We begin to realize and put things on hold. 'Not for me', she thought to herself, as has she always. "She's great, I like her alot." he spilled the beans, to his friends over a couple of drinks. He said something one night, she read the text and never replied. His mind wrecked in the next couple of hours, days even, as he pondered over his words. She never text back, he said not another. He waited and waited, but never came her number. He loses all hope, she moved on to the next bloke. He shouted "NOT ANOTHER, NO MORE WILL THIS HAPPEN", his voice drowned by the fire alarm siren. He smoked his lungs out, he dried out his liver. He spent nights and days in the pub he never lingered. Those days are gone, he's finally moved on. It took him over a thousand replays on the same old song. "She's perfect for me", he whispered alone. Knowing not she'll one day be a past he'll once again look back on.

Something I still do every once in awhile. No where near Shakespeare, I know. I don't really give a fuck no more.

Not that crazy, not that funny. Not that interesting, not that cool. I'm not that.

It's not self destruction. That's not happening to me. Self destruction would mean giving up all of my beliefs. Like smoking; smoking cigarettes. Having one night stands. & all that. I'm not doing any of those. I'm merely heading out every god damn weekend to find fun elsewhere. To go out for a breather of some sort, because life is hard enough without work.

There's something special about people and parties. The way they all jump in sync. They way they all shout and scream. The smiles on their faces, the way their heart races. The kisses, the hugs, the sweat and the blood. Only time when worries and sorrows are all put aside. Jobs and schools are briefly forgotten. Smoke weed, drink booze, party like we've got nothing to lose.

"Don't depend too much on anyone in this world. Because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness." -Ibn Taymiyyah

It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone. & they say it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Life's twisted, and sometimes really funny.

Life's so stupid. Doing things I have zero passion in just for the paper.

Aside from earning moolah for a living, I met up with a few lovely people.

A former form teacher whom I used to dislike because I thought she kept picking on me. But I slowly grew to love her a lot and missed her when she changed school. Now that I'm all grown up, I invited her to a birthday party of a friend of mine, who was also a student of hers in the past, and we had a pretty good catching-up-session. From the past, to the present, from working life, to love life, we shared almost everything. Time's catching up really fast with all of us. We were 16 when she left, now we're 21 and we're all towering over her.

Because her birthday's a day after Roderick's, I asked Keith to get some mini cakes to help them both celebrate in advance. It was really nice to see that she was really happy(or at least in my eyes she was). 

And Roderick turned 21 on the 8th. Celebrated his birthday along with his family and a number of our friends. He got drunk and all of his nonsense soon began. It was really fun though, drinking again only after a week of me promising that I would quit drinking. And it was really nice that some of my friends said that I've changed quite alot, and also Ms C said that I've become quite good looking. 

So I've become quite tall, quite good looking, quite sensible, and quite the opposite of what people expected I would become. That's good, I think. 

Life's twisted. 080413 made me think of you because our anniversary was the four-times-table. It's silly how such little things are still stuck in a corner of my mind and when I think of it, I get all sad and tired and lonely and start feeling bad about life and all that stuffs. 

So to prevent me from thinking of you, I do other things. I appreciate people in my life, and I feel sad about other things.

Dear Ms C, happy birthday to you as well. Really glad you were able to attend the party, even though it was wayyyyy too early and no one was there to actually celebrate, your thoughts and actions were much appreciated. You'll forever be the best form teacher I have had. Meeting up with you after so long, coupled with a few nice comments from you, was really nice. I wish for nothing but the best in your future endeavors, and that you last long with your husband and your whole family is forever happy and blessed.
Forever your worst student, Pow.

For now, I shall cherish these people. These bunch of crazy, funny, lovely, at times irritating, and very much a second family to me. Segunda Familia, te quiero.

Happy birthday my best brother. 21 is a really huge accomplishment. Take everything thrown at you in your stride. For every hurdle you cross, I won't be far behind. Believe me when I say that you're gonna go far in life, maybe way further than me. You're one tough mother fucker, and that's the best aspect about you that you most probably have no idea about. Sorry I'm not the kind of best friend other people have. But I promise I will see you through all of the shit in the future. Cheers to 11 more years to come.

Don't you worry about me, I will learn to love again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not anytime soon. Eventually, when the time is right, I will learn to love again.

I blame you

For being so pretty.

I'm as superficial as the other girl is materialistic. I fall for pretty people, sue me.

You know this feeling you get, when you see someone you haven't met in awhile and they've changed so much in that amount of time, and you think to yourself "Where were you all these while?".

Sorry that you're really pretty to me, and that you've changed so much since the last time we met. And also that I fall for pretty people really easily, especially when they're nice to me. My sister's friend told her that she thought I was good looking, I blushed for three days. I still replay those words whenever I'm bored, because it's not a common thing for people to compliment me. I'm not used to it, so I keep it wayyy inside my mind, in a little happy place where good things are stored inside. That night was also the first time I've hugged a female friend so casually without any constraint or awkwardness. It came so naturally, like it should've been done a long time ago. You're probably not on the same frequency as I am, because you're probably used to these kind of things. But it's something new to me, and I love new things that are good. It's a really refreshing change, as compared to the past few months where I'd find some stupid sad quotes that'd keep me upset for the next few days, and I'm pretty happy right now. And that's all that matters.

I'm good looking... I'm still puzzled, but I guess I'd take it in my stride and keep it safe and sound where no one can use it against me. For now, life is a piece of unsolved, colorful puzzle, waiting for me to find the next piece to it.

This is the bunch of retards I love. 

That thing that time heals.

I'm done being sad. I'm done thinking "Fuck, I'm single as fuck because I'm me. I'm not good enough for nobody.". I'm done putting myself down.

Though I still have those days where I'll look into the mirror and shudder at the reflection, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I'm beginning to heal from the broken relationship which made me become such a mess for awhile. Life was never, and will never be, fair. It will forever throw curve-balls,  steep roads, rocky hills, fire hoops and what not, at us. We can either dodge them forever, running away from challenges, or we can find ways to deal with them. I took the first step in trying to mend a broken relationship between two ex-es. Now I have come to realize, what a fool I was. Ex-es were never meant to be friends. Maybe a few rare cases will prove that point otherwise, but most of us will forever return to the starting point where we first met, becoming strangers.

I've learnt that it's okay to not be friends. Because one party will forever be holding on to that teeny-tiny ray of hope that one day, everything will return to the way it was. But because the other party has already let everything go, it will NEVER return to times when everything was fine. I've learnt to cut all ties with her, not because she's not good. But because I no longer want to be reminded of how she's constantly living a life so wonderful and so colorful, so different from mine, and that the past seem to have little to no effect on her current life anymore. While I'm still stuck in that shit hole I was a couple of months back where I try to find fault in myself because of that failed first relationship. Constantly reminding myself of how time spent with her was so precious, and only reminding myself of the good times. No more.

By allowing yourself to be reminded only of the good, and not the bad times of the past, you have done no one but yourself more pain than you should feel. 

There will forever be a part of you etched in me. Like how my thoughts have changed so drastically. I have, in the past, for my whole life believed that relationships and things do lasts. I've always told myself that actions speak louder than words and that if you treat the other person the way you want them to treat you, then that's what you will get.

I'm moving on now, sorry it took so long. Life is changing. 5 years later, maybe I will be a better man. For now, I'll do my best in airforce and get myself to places I've never dreamt of going. Places like US for 2 years, and Aussie for a few months and other countries. Who knows what life has instore for us. I'm just sorry for the past, tired of the present and cautiously optimistic about the future. 

2013 please be good. Here's to all the 21st birthday parties we're gonna have this year.

Where's your god now?

I am never, have never and will never be, the perfect friend you guys have. But you guys are more than anything I can ever ask for. And for that, I'm forever grateful to have crossed paths and shared memories together. 

END OF THE.. year!

Hi !
Welcome back.

Here's another year end post.

GRADUATING FROM TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC

Can't believe how I'm actually missing schooling life. It was such a dreadful thing, to pull myself out of bed in the late morning and head to school. Where lessons were barely long enough for me to take a nap in, and lunch was optional. Breaking the rules were still okay, if you don't get caught. Now that I'm in the army, working and stuff, I regret not enjoying my schooling life more. 

OFF TO THAILAND WE WENT.

Leaving the comfort of our home and our own country, we traveled, for the first time, to a foreign land, as a family. Took my first ride via the plane, and it was so damn awesome. I cannot forget the view from the hotel. The bright lights of the city, and the strong cold wind at night, and the feeling I had when I realized that it was the first time I've traveled away from home to a place filled with strangers. 

 ARMY CALLED; ENLISTED.

The amount of weight I lost was crazy.

One of the most dreadful thing any Singaporean son can, and will, go through, the army. Shaved my head bald, enlisted with a heavy heart, left my family in Singapore and trained like a dog every single day. There was blood, sweat and tears under rain or shine. I got fit, and really skinny during the four months inside. And then four months passed, and I passed out in an instant. 

But there was some stuffs that happened during the long four months. 

Then came Potassium.

I've never posted a proper picture of her, or of us, before on my blog. So this is the first time you're gonna see them.

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Never thought that I would get a girl friend any time soon, much less while I was serving the army on a faraway island. She was the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life. She was the crazy dream that I NEVER thought I would live. Getting to know her was my privilege, being together with her was my honour. But like any dreams, they all come to an end.  As much as I wish that we're still together, we're not. I hate to admit that I still harbor hopes and wishes that we might still somehow get back together because I miss her so damn much.

PASSING OUT AS A NINJA.

I still remember telling my friends and family, "I will never befriend anyone from camp.". But I guess things changed and friendships were made. I can't believe the boy who used to have just a couple of friends, now have so many different cliques of friends that weekends are burned by spending time with each of the cliques. Guess things change as time passes. 

20 CAME AND LEFT 19 BEHIND

Leon and Roderick

20th came and left silently. Spent the night at the Universal Studios Singapore with some friends. But only Leon and Roderick stuck around. As usual, my birthday was not special. Wanted and expected so much more for this year's birthday, but was once again left disappointed. 

THEN MARIE HAPPENED.

"Who is Marie?" one might ask.

This is the Marie I know before I met her.

This is the Marie I know on the first day we met! IN SINGAPORE.

Yes! My first penpal came to Singapore!!! Another dream come true. Oh my.. What can I say?

She's FREAKIN' AWESOME.

Brought her to the Singapore Flyer and she was too damn adorable. Her reaction when she first entered the Flyer was "Ehhhhhhhhhh? :D". Hands down the cutest reaction I've ever seen. Had her taste some local cuisine.

That's Rojak on the left, and Ice Kachang on the right.

She dislike them both. When asked about the taste, she said "Strange" to Rojak and "Fresh" to Ice Kachang. Who in the world replies this way!? Unique eh? That's Marie for you.

A bottle of sake she bought for me from Japan.

She's so nice to have bought something for me. I'm so glad I found her profile on the penpal website a year back.

Because she had stuffs to do in the daylight, we could only meet twice and both times were at night.

The second time we went out, I brought her to meet my family. My mom cooked up some normal dinner and she had trouble eating them as well. My family loved her, so do I. Had such a great time with her.

Then we went out after dinner, with my sisters and my sister's boyfriend, to Clarke Quay to drink.

From left to right; My sister's boyfriend, Christopher, Audrey, Marie, me and Alice.

Drank a fair amount of alcohol that night. Thankfully for my pay, which included back payment, otherwise I couldn't have afforded to bring her out around Singapore. 

Had her try out the flaming cocktails, Flaming Lamborghini and Waterfall. She liked the waterfall. We went bar hopping around the area. It was so much fun, especially after she got a little high. We just kept laughing.

She's just too beautiful.

And when the time to head home was nearing, we took one last picture before sending her home. It was such a perfect night, couldn't have asked for more. She's like this crazy dream that was near impossible to live out in reality. Who would've thought that I would meet someone online from FRANCE, and that we would become friends. Then she would travel to Singapore, and I have the chance to meet her and hang out with her. Sent her to her apartment's door step and she whispered something to me when we hugged, "When are we doing this again?". I whispered back, "Next year, Japan.". Those few seconds I will forever remember as the best thing that happened to me after the break up. 

Funny how things happen oh so randomly.
How pieces fall nicely together, and how some things fall apart so suddenly.
It's an utmost honor of mine to have the chance to befriend someone from another
end of the world, and to have the chance to bring her around this little red dot.
2012 has been nothing but a hell of a crazy roller coaster ride.
Thank you for being a part of it, Marie Caron.

21st CAME NEXT, AND I BECAME ADDICTED TO CLUBBING.

Have been clubbing a whole lot in recent months. Just a couple of pictures taken when we were out clubbing in November. 

Then we went clubbing for what was supposed to be the last night, and spent a fortune over there. Had so much fun catching with people of the past and present.

Airforce mates.

Then we went clubbing on the last Friday of the year! Had so much fun. Kinda addicted to clubbing, but I don't know why. Maybe it's just a form of stress relief, or to escape harsh reality for a few hours. Or maybe I just want to be happy for awhile. 

That's pretty much it for 2012. It's been such a crazy roller coaster ride. I also realised I've changed a hell lot. From..

To..

I'm sorry that I've changed so much. If only you were here by me, maybe I would've stayed the same person I was few months back. But since you're not, and maybe because the person I used to be wasn't enough for anyone, I figured a change was needed. Y'know, I haven't been happy. Not quite happy enough. I still sit up alone, before I go to bed once in a while, trying to figure out what went wrong where and when. I still reminisce the times we had. I haven't really gotten over you, partly because I don't want to, and partly because I can't. I've tried, trust me, I really have. 2013 better be good, I need it. If you are reading this, which I highly doubt so, I hope you're happy. Stupid Jay Chou and his love songs always get me down. 

 Before I end, I should list down some 2013 resolutions.

• Get to 70kg by 2014
• Have enough savings in my bank account
• Maybe get a tattoo?
• Travel to Japan
• Cut down on clubbing and alcohol
• Do more charity

Maybe this is the reason why I'm constantly high on alcohol. Maybe I'm afraid of doing things, so I use alcohol as a confidence booster or something. I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore.

I don't know what we said to each other before, but I always think of you when I look up and see stars shining brightly in the night sky.

2013, please be good.