Looking back.

When some songs play on my phone, images of you, of us, appear in my mind. Then I start thinking about the times we had, and so many thing else. Then I start to wonder, and think and ponder and then I have questions.

Millions of them.

I don't have to look at our text messages to remember what we said to each other. I don't have to look at the photos we took together to remember how they look like. They're all in here, in my mind that is. Every single one of them, etched deeply inside of me.

Sometimes I lose the battle against myself, I still take a glance at your pictures. They remind me of why I fell in love with you. Why I came to the decision that I wanted you to be my first, and also foolishly hoped that you would be my last. I came to realize that I made the right decision a few months back, when I first enlisted, to choose you. The silly things we said to each other, oh, what great memories they are..

Roderick sent me this image when I told him that I was single all over again.

I still remember that one text you sent which made me think to myself "Damn, this could really go somewhere.". A few weeks later.. You said two words that I have come to hate so thoroughly, "I'm sorry". 

I don't know if you still think of me, but I do. I hate to admit it, but I really do. In fact, I still miss you. So damn much. I miss talking to you, texting you silly stuffs, hearing your laughter, seeing your smile, the smell of your hair, basically, I miss having you by my side.

No I am not your average guy. Maybe I'm too sensitive for a guy, I don't know. Isn't it good to not be another 'one of them'? 

I still remember the first time you came to my place, and when my dad said 'It's good that Eamon's gotten himself a decent girl'. He came to the conclusion that you're a decent girl because of the way you look. Yeah, everyone else agreed. And the semi-restaurant we went to have dinner together with my family that following night, when the manager asked me 'Hey, is that your girlfriend?', I remember that feeling. I'm smiling as I'm typing this down, it's that great of a feel. Every single person around me, important enough to me, knew about you. They were all so happy for me, and told me to cherish you. Everyone except my god mom. She was cautiously optimistic when I told her about us. She was the only person who told me not to give my 100% in the relationship, but I couldn't do it. 

The view of the place where we used to hang out at so much.

One fine night after we went our separate ways, my family and I went back to the same place to have our dinner. I saw the manager, he asked 'Where's your girlfriend?'. I didn't know what to say. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders as I walked towards our table. It's been a month now, 30 long days have passed. I've been through so much, I wish you knew. This October was supposed to be legendary. My POP, my decision to sign on as a regular, my birthday, Eminem's Birthday.. and so much more. But I seem to have forgotten what month it was. 

I don't really know what to look forward to right now. And I have no idea why I've finally decided to make this post. Things have just been bottled up inside of me all these while. Maybe all I needed was someone to talk to, or maybe this little space for me to pour everything out. Dear Potassium, I hope you're doing fine. That way, at least one of us is happy. If given a chance, I'd still choose you. 

Next up: Commitment vs Obligation 

Haha

When less is more.

COUNTDOWN : 43 HOURS TO DAYS IN ARMY.


The moment I realized that my time as a boy was limited, I began asking all of my friends out. Over the past four days, I have stayed home only to eat, shower and sleep. I've spent more hours outside, than at home. The past four days were really awesome. So awesome that I felt that this was the last goodbye or something.

Went for a Karoke session with friends last Friday. Had a blast singing, shouting, screaming, rapping, talking and laughing in the booth. Spent 4 to 5 hours doing that. It was fun, expensive, but fun. Appreciate  my friends taking time out to spend time with me.

Old school photo. Panzi (or Rainer), me and Keith.

Spent the majority of Saturday out with three people. But I only managed to get a picture with the girls.

Jiamin on the left, Linghui or the right.

There was supposed to be a more than just the four of us, but the rest couldn't make it. "It's gonna be awkward" I thought to myself before the day began. But it turned out to be a great night. Dinner, walks on the streets, laughing at the slightest stuffs, talking about anything and everything, and chilling out in a coffee house, what more could I have asked for? I never really thought that we could get to this point where we would be comfortable, just the four of us. When less is more.

Sunday was just dinner with the family. But a few of my aunts and a cousin of mine joined the seven of us. I felt really special being treated this way. Received red packets as forms of blessings. They all wished me luck and gave solid advice. I'm so grateful for everything I have in life, especially my family.

Three of the ones present on Sunday are missing in this picture. 

Yesterday was "da bomb". Met up with two of my closer polymates. Dinner, walks and talks, and played pool.

Hafis, the Muay Thai.

Yong Sheng, the monk. Need to take a proper picture with this boy right here.

Never fail to make me laugh, speak my mind and discuss about anything and everything. Bid goodbyes by wishing each other health in the army. And to survive it and text each other when we're out of camp. Survival is essential in the army because of the recent cases of deaths.

Headed to Arab Street to try Shisha next. With the usual clique, we stayed in the shop for around 2 hours and had countless of topics to chat about. Shisha was really mundane. Though it is medically more harmful than smoking a cigarette, I don't think anyone can get addicted to it. I've tried it once, and I don't think I will try it again. The company was great, the atmosphere was okay, the shisha, ngeh. Had supper and played snooker till 5 in the morning. Day well spent.

The next time you see me, I'll be a recruit with no hair.

Another life's first ticked off the 'to-do-list'. 

When you get older, you realize that less is more. And friends become part of your family. 

Songs; Memories, gone.

Do you ever listen to a certain song, or a certain album or a certain artist, and reminisce?
I do, all the time.
Just to list a few down.

Paramore : Temasek Polytechnic Classmates. Though we're no longer close, but I still remember deeply that they influenced me to listen to Paramore. I have never regretted listening to Paramore, because, well the songs have meanings. Maybe it's just me, but when I listen to them during rainy days, tears start beating around in my eyes. A sense of sadness overwhelm me, and I have no idea why.

That's What You Get - Paramore : My longest friend till date. Mr Lim. The days when we would buy food, go to the community center and hang around at the study corner for HOURS. We would turn on the radio from our cells, and listen and study for our O'Levels. Those were the times. I kinda miss hanging out with him. Things are just no longer the same because, well, I have learnt to grow up. And him, his attitude have not really changed that much, and the way he thinks is still kinda childish. And furthermore, he's overseas studying, so we've not been hanging out in the longest time. I kinda miss you dude.


I'm sorry if you don't understand what you've just read. I just needed a space to write down my thoughts. This is now kinda becoming my diary. And I kinda miss alot of things.

I miss the old me, when looks didn't matter to me, hanging out with my friends was all that mattered to me. I'm sorry that I've changed to become such a fucker, I really am.