They're all liars. Pretty little liars.

Gohardwellorgohome

Love's a joke. I really do think that.
Love don't last, because like us, it dies in the end.

Hardwell turnt the fuck up on Friday. It was balls. We went hard.



Jumped, screamed, shouted, pushed, stepped, raved, danced, pumped, swung, spun, hugged, singed and all that shit. We went in at 2030, squeezed to the front of the damn place, and stayed till 2320. Nearly three hours of non stop craziness and dehydration. I swear I came out feeling like I could fly. It was so addictive. To get lost in the music and atmosphere. Forgetting every damn thing for just that few hours, and feeling happy.

We're all masked motherfuckers. Forever lying our way through things. Thinking everything's gonna be alright, when in reality we're all messed up in our own little ways. We search for greater things in life. It's been summer for a very, very long time. I'm sick of the heat. I thought Friday changed the season, it felt that way for a moment. It's such a pleasant surprise to know that perhaps not all is lost. To be recognised, to feel that you're not all that bad.

 
Autumn, you're very much needed right now. You seemed right, at that time. I thought maybe you arrived just in time. You delayed yourself, that's alright. Just as long as you find your way through, I'll be here. Like I have been all these while. And if Summer's ever gonna return, it's all right. Nothing last, & such is life. We find, we lose, we move on and the cycle god damn repeats its fucking self till we die.

We're all lost souls searching for a place to hide. Ride out till the storm's gone. & if you are pleased, you can stay here forever. This hiding place is yours to keep.


I learn that I used to fucking love sadness. It's something I needed to feel every once in awhile to know that I'm still sane. But after 21 fucking years, happiness is taking the wheel. I lose myself in music, in a sea of strangers bobbing and jumping to the beat, feeling infinite. & at that time, I swear we were all immortals. Because, losing all hope was freedom. And I seek freedom in this life of mine.

Summer: Day 470

Stay grounded.

In a week's time, I will be free from all the studying, for now. It's the last stretch to reach that freedom, it's going to be tough, and I want to make it.

I went studying with a couple of my friends yesterday night, and two of them are living the pretty life. Money, babes, alcohol, everything that is considered taboo to the current society. They were talking about the lives in clubs and travelling all over the world, and they were speaking with such ease about throwing money away. Four-twenty meant $420 for a bottle of alcohol, but for the rest of us listening to them, this "four-twenty" meant $4.20 for a slightly overpriced meal. The difference between them and I is the way we view the value of money. What they can get in a day, is what I get in a month. The details doesn't matter.

After the study session was over, my other friend and I were talking while waiting for the first bus at 530am. With clear sober minds, we spoke of how our everything is so different between the rich and the poor. Then we realized that we are happy with the way things are going for us because we are easily satisfied. Don't judge, we may not have the wealth and all, but we have simplicity in our lives. The little things, like getting 20$ from my parents mean two extra meals for me, meant nothing to them. The perspectives of different things was just mind blowing. But we were not the least jealous, because that's their lives. And we should concentrate on living our lives instead of fantasizing of what we can't have that people have in theirs.

Here's something that intrigued me and got me thinking. It's old news, but it's gold.
Charlie Sheen Interview
Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses
It's such a hassle when ABC disable the embedding request.

It's these comments that made me think differently about Charlie Sheen.

Also, I read this short story in a book my friend had lent me. 

Paulo Coelho - Like the Flowing River

Moral of this post, live your life. Don't be a fool and try living other people's lives. What matters the most is your own story. Stay grounded till it's time to fly. Don't take flight when your wings have not fully grown. The stories I heard my friends told yesterday kept me thinking, and they made me stay grounded. I don't want to live the life like theirs. I'm happy with the one I'm living right now.

Your story don't end till you're six feet under.

Social Network?

Interesting article. Really.
However, you might need to rest your eyes for a few minutes after reading the whole thing. It's a little strenuous.

It really struck me about how much we rely on the internet to communicate and do stuffs that really has no meaning at all. It made me take notice of how people are constantly looking at their phone's screens and not really giving a care about what is going on around them.
I know that I'm currently using the internet to express my feelings about the negative impact the internet has on our generation, but I've tweaked some bad little habits of mine regarding my reliance on my phone to get me through my average day.

Usually, I would whip out my phone with no intention or purpose. I would stare blankly at the screen and open up a few applications trying to find something to do. Isn't that what everyone does? Look at their phones in awkward situations?

I've changed. I leave my phone at home when I leave my home to meet my friends for a short while. 

Note: I used to bring my phone out everywhere I go.

I've also learnt to abstain myself from taking out my phone unnecessarily, which means I must learnt to deal with awkward situations without the help of my phone. 

And I realized that it's better without my phone, as a hindrance or a distraction, when I'm out and I know that I will not be using it for any important reasons. Because there are so many other things to look at.

Have you heard, or read, that we can't see stars in the city because of all the lights surrounding us? Well, I'm glad I don't live in the city because I just saw the most amazing night view. It was literally filled with shining stars and all of them were beautiful. 

Isn't it beautiful?

Camp with me under the stars.

Give it a shot, live without your phone for a day. It might just turn out to be a turning point of your life.

You gave me hope.

You had me at hello.

I still read our old conversations when I miss you.
They're perfect memories that I keep to remind me of what I thought we used to have.

I asked a somewhat close friend of hers yesterday if she's attached to the guy I think she is attached to. She was reluctant to tell me at first, but she eventually caved in. I was right from the start, I got the right dude.
And when she told me that, she also asked me to not be 'emo' and give up on her. I assured her that I had long ago given up on her. But I guess that's not what my heart feels. I switched off. I kept the songs blasting at full volume, thoughts were raging through my mind.
And then, I had difficulties breathing. I took long and heavy breaths, it wasn't what I had expected. That feeling, I was so lost.

Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone.



I wish he treats you well, and he makes you feel like a princess. This is a lie, but I hope you two will last. I hope he doesn't make you cry. I hope in a few months time when you see me, you will at least say hi and acknowledge my teeny tiny non-significant existence. And you will see the change in me. I hope for nothing but the best for you and whoever you choose to be with.

Lyricist Cypher - Timothy DeLaGhetto

Insecurity ruins a lot of good people, and I'm not referring myself as one of them.

Girls really need to know that being skinny is not everything. Sometimes, actually most of the time, being too skinny isn't attractive. A little baby fat won't kill, and exercising is always the first option if you want to lose weight.



LYRICS :
She was a young preteen obsessed with magazines
Always watched the model scene on the television screen
Looked up in the mirror and the only thing she seen
Was a fat and ugly body never thought she was queen
Squeezed into her jeans and all she could was scream
Spent all her daddys money on the lotions and the creams
Man she spent a fortune never had reinforcement
daddy never hugged her cuz her parents were divorced and
when she ate she forced it, or cut it into portions
then spent the rest of the night just clutchin to the porcelain
she used to be so pure but she gave the intercourse
to a dude thats abusive cuz she feels so insecure
hes cheatin and the beats her but they never gonna break up
cuz when her eyes are black and blue she just covers it make up
the companies be lyin just so they can get they cake up
cmon baby look youre beautiful you need to wake up

Real talk.

The truths.

12 June 2010 - 2 December 2010.
A short lived secret that was holding so well until everything went so wrong.

2 December 2010 - 21 September 2011.
The time I took to tell myself that I still stand a chance as long as you're single.
But it turns out, the things my friend told me are true. You really are blissfully attached. I hope he treats you well, I really do. But do you know how much it hurts to see you with another dude?

21st September 2011 was the last time we met in one of my dumb dreams.
From then on, I told myself that it was enough.
I started to forget you, slowly but surely. I erased all of the memories in my mind, I really did try. But everytime you reblog something from my tumblr, I get the urge to go to your blog and see what you have posted. It's always the sweet and romantic stuffs, and it's always about how happy you are.

I don't know if I got the right guy, but he somehow became my inspiration. You seemed really close to him in that one picture.
I looked myself in the mirror and told myself "Fuck dude, why the fuck are you so scrawny and weak. You ain't going to get no chicks like her to like you if you continue living your life like this."


So on the 1st of September 2011, the road to being toned or brawny began.
It was just once a week of gym at first. But it's no longer the case anymore. The 5 weeks of holidays I had, was time well spent in the gym. I visited the gym twice a week, and I think there's a little change in me.

But last week, I looked myself in the mirror again after weighing myself. I knew I had to do something drastic. 5 times a week, that's the minimum amount of times I must exercise. I must jog twice a week and go to the gym 3 times a week. I need this, I really do. I want you to see the change in me. I'm doing this because of you.

Blame the media.

The perfect girl, is not perfect.



Do not try to live up to the impossible expectations of society. Nobody's that beautiful. If you are, then good for you. But if you're not, you're not alone.

I apologize for my words. If you're not as pretty as the models, whose bodies were altered to make them look flawless, you're fine the way you are. You really are. If you have a good heart, nice personality, fuck looks. You'll get laid, by the only person that matters, your lifelong spouse.

Freedom Of Speech

Just watch.