Something old, something new.

"You can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on, it's already gone."

Nothing matter more to me now than these bunch of crazy nutsacks who chose the weirdest person to be their friend. 

I'm done thinking that there are other people who are going to even come to par with these few people. They've seen me at my worst, at my best, when I'm down, literally on my back in a pool of my own puke, and when I'm standing tall as a motherfucker because my growth spurt was crazy.

They've seen me when I was clean, and when I'm inked. When I was skinny as a motherfucker, and when they can't beat me at arm wrestling. They've seen it all. They know my family, I know theirs. It's tough to forge real friendships. It's rough to rough out and find out how different we all are, but still coming to terms with the differences and accepting all of the faults.  

But if that one day really comes when we find better people in our lives, and we go our separate ways, then we will be our very own something old. Go for that something new, go for that fresher, greener pasture that awaits. Because the past has passed, and like Barney Stinson said 'New is always better'. 

A few days back when I almost got myself paralyzed, I thought about alot of stuffs. When the Chinese doctor stuck the two long ass needles down the back of my palm, and twisted and turned them for a good 15 minutes, thoughts raced through my mind. 

"The little iron man in the family's cracking.". Tears kept flowing down my face because the pain was insane. I tried my best to keep them in, but it didn't work. I squirmed and kicked when the pain was too much, but I took it all in. I saw my dad in myself at that moment. I heard how my sister felt my pain when she tried holding me down, and how she made sounds you would make if you saw a woman give birth to a child. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if I had a significant other by my side telling me it's gonna be all right". 

It's 30 days before 2014 kicks in. 2013 wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be. I thought 2013 would've been better. But it was one hell of an epic roller coaster ride which has made me learned a shit load of things. Maybe things will take a turn for the better. Maybe 2014 is the year where two wrongs make a right, where the opposites really do attract, and where all bad things do come to an end. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get back on track in life again. 

"Enough, they're enough & I'm happy with them".

"I'm not where I need to be, but thank god I'm not where I used to be"

Life's twisted, and sometimes really funny.

Life's so stupid. Doing things I have zero passion in just for the paper.

Aside from earning moolah for a living, I met up with a few lovely people.

A former form teacher whom I used to dislike because I thought she kept picking on me. But I slowly grew to love her a lot and missed her when she changed school. Now that I'm all grown up, I invited her to a birthday party of a friend of mine, who was also a student of hers in the past, and we had a pretty good catching-up-session. From the past, to the present, from working life, to love life, we shared almost everything. Time's catching up really fast with all of us. We were 16 when she left, now we're 21 and we're all towering over her.

Because her birthday's a day after Roderick's, I asked Keith to get some mini cakes to help them both celebrate in advance. It was really nice to see that she was really happy(or at least in my eyes she was). 

And Roderick turned 21 on the 8th. Celebrated his birthday along with his family and a number of our friends. He got drunk and all of his nonsense soon began. It was really fun though, drinking again only after a week of me promising that I would quit drinking. And it was really nice that some of my friends said that I've changed quite alot, and also Ms C said that I've become quite good looking. 

So I've become quite tall, quite good looking, quite sensible, and quite the opposite of what people expected I would become. That's good, I think. 

Life's twisted. 080413 made me think of you because our anniversary was the four-times-table. It's silly how such little things are still stuck in a corner of my mind and when I think of it, I get all sad and tired and lonely and start feeling bad about life and all that stuffs. 

So to prevent me from thinking of you, I do other things. I appreciate people in my life, and I feel sad about other things.

Dear Ms C, happy birthday to you as well. Really glad you were able to attend the party, even though it was wayyyyy too early and no one was there to actually celebrate, your thoughts and actions were much appreciated. You'll forever be the best form teacher I have had. Meeting up with you after so long, coupled with a few nice comments from you, was really nice. I wish for nothing but the best in your future endeavors, and that you last long with your husband and your whole family is forever happy and blessed.
Forever your worst student, Pow.

For now, I shall cherish these people. These bunch of crazy, funny, lovely, at times irritating, and very much a second family to me. Segunda Familia, te quiero.

Happy birthday my best brother. 21 is a really huge accomplishment. Take everything thrown at you in your stride. For every hurdle you cross, I won't be far behind. Believe me when I say that you're gonna go far in life, maybe way further than me. You're one tough mother fucker, and that's the best aspect about you that you most probably have no idea about. Sorry I'm not the kind of best friend other people have. But I promise I will see you through all of the shit in the future. Cheers to 11 more years to come.

Don't you worry about me, I will learn to love again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not anytime soon. Eventually, when the time is right, I will learn to love again.

I blame you

For being so pretty.

I'm as superficial as the other girl is materialistic. I fall for pretty people, sue me.

You know this feeling you get, when you see someone you haven't met in awhile and they've changed so much in that amount of time, and you think to yourself "Where were you all these while?".

Sorry that you're really pretty to me, and that you've changed so much since the last time we met. And also that I fall for pretty people really easily, especially when they're nice to me. My sister's friend told her that she thought I was good looking, I blushed for three days. I still replay those words whenever I'm bored, because it's not a common thing for people to compliment me. I'm not used to it, so I keep it wayyy inside my mind, in a little happy place where good things are stored inside. That night was also the first time I've hugged a female friend so casually without any constraint or awkwardness. It came so naturally, like it should've been done a long time ago. You're probably not on the same frequency as I am, because you're probably used to these kind of things. But it's something new to me, and I love new things that are good. It's a really refreshing change, as compared to the past few months where I'd find some stupid sad quotes that'd keep me upset for the next few days, and I'm pretty happy right now. And that's all that matters.

I'm good looking... I'm still puzzled, but I guess I'd take it in my stride and keep it safe and sound where no one can use it against me. For now, life is a piece of unsolved, colorful puzzle, waiting for me to find the next piece to it.

This is the bunch of retards I love. 

That thing that time heals.

I'm done being sad. I'm done thinking "Fuck, I'm single as fuck because I'm me. I'm not good enough for nobody.". I'm done putting myself down.

Though I still have those days where I'll look into the mirror and shudder at the reflection, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I'm beginning to heal from the broken relationship which made me become such a mess for awhile. Life was never, and will never be, fair. It will forever throw curve-balls,  steep roads, rocky hills, fire hoops and what not, at us. We can either dodge them forever, running away from challenges, or we can find ways to deal with them. I took the first step in trying to mend a broken relationship between two ex-es. Now I have come to realize, what a fool I was. Ex-es were never meant to be friends. Maybe a few rare cases will prove that point otherwise, but most of us will forever return to the starting point where we first met, becoming strangers.

I've learnt that it's okay to not be friends. Because one party will forever be holding on to that teeny-tiny ray of hope that one day, everything will return to the way it was. But because the other party has already let everything go, it will NEVER return to times when everything was fine. I've learnt to cut all ties with her, not because she's not good. But because I no longer want to be reminded of how she's constantly living a life so wonderful and so colorful, so different from mine, and that the past seem to have little to no effect on her current life anymore. While I'm still stuck in that shit hole I was a couple of months back where I try to find fault in myself because of that failed first relationship. Constantly reminding myself of how time spent with her was so precious, and only reminding myself of the good times. No more.

By allowing yourself to be reminded only of the good, and not the bad times of the past, you have done no one but yourself more pain than you should feel. 

There will forever be a part of you etched in me. Like how my thoughts have changed so drastically. I have, in the past, for my whole life believed that relationships and things do lasts. I've always told myself that actions speak louder than words and that if you treat the other person the way you want them to treat you, then that's what you will get.

I'm moving on now, sorry it took so long. Life is changing. 5 years later, maybe I will be a better man. For now, I'll do my best in airforce and get myself to places I've never dreamt of going. Places like US for 2 years, and Aussie for a few months and other countries. Who knows what life has instore for us. I'm just sorry for the past, tired of the present and cautiously optimistic about the future. 

2013 please be good. Here's to all the 21st birthday parties we're gonna have this year.

Where's your god now?

I am never, have never and will never be, the perfect friend you guys have. But you guys are more than anything I can ever ask for. And for that, I'm forever grateful to have crossed paths and shared memories together. 

Greetings, March.

Hi March. Time flies.
It was just the beginning of Chinese New Year a few weeks back, and now it's over. Like time, money's gone as well.

Year of the Ssssss-snake

Chinese New Year Day 1, with baby Faith.

CNY Day 2, Mom with baby Eva Fei

When Canada meets China.

This year's Chinese New Year was all about the babies. The family's getting real huge and noisy with all the screaming kids and crying babies. There are two who stood out though, baby Eva Fei and baby Faith. A cousin of mine left for Canada a couple of years back, and came back this year, married and with a kid. Her husband is a French living in Canada and they created this first Eurasian baby in the family. Her name's Eva Fei.

Eva Fei with her Patrick.

Little China Doll

Everyone was vying to play with her. Thank goodness I managed to take a picture with her before my cousin flew back to the Great White North. I also love the little china doll, baby Faith. Because she's so chubby and so independent, she's totally fine when her parents handed her over to us and allowed us to bring her around the neighborhood for a walk without them.

In other not really surprising news, I fell in love with snapping photos of skyandshit.

Acrophobia

Then I started planning for my future.

Say No to 6.9million population in Singapore.

Went for my first ever protest. It was one I was proud to be a part of. Singaporeans of different race, language, and religion stood together as one and voiced out our displeasure in harmony.

#waywire

Got inspired by photos on tumblr, so I decided to make one myself. My own jug of money is growing, many thanks to the red packet I received over the Chinese New Year. This particular pile is for a trip to Japan this year, it's a promise I made to Marie on her last day in Singapore, or rather our last day spent together in Singapore. I cannot afford to break anymore promises, I loathe myself because I couldn't keep one huge one in the past. 

Lastly, friends, celebrity crush and Eminem.

Have been hanging out a whole lot with this three musketeers. Though we're not really a perfect fit, like we're odd in our own little ways and sometimes our humor can't seem to match, I'm thankful for having them in my life right now. It's a new found clique, like it happened only two months ago, though we've known each other for years now, I hope this will go the distance. Thank you for bringing smiles and laughter into my life when I thought I've lost it for good.

Detroit stand up. So glad to have this in my cap collection. It took nearly half a year to arrive, and I thought it would never get here, ever. It's something too good for me to pass on, so I bought it the minute I saw it go on sale. 

Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence's my celebrity crush. She's like this down-to-earth, girl-next-door type of person. She's 22 and she's won quite a number of huge awards like the Oscars and the Golden Globe. 

Simplest way to make you understand why I love her so much.

Yeah, that's all for now.

March, please, please be good.

END OF THE.. year!

Hi !
Welcome back.

Here's another year end post.

GRADUATING FROM TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC

Can't believe how I'm actually missing schooling life. It was such a dreadful thing, to pull myself out of bed in the late morning and head to school. Where lessons were barely long enough for me to take a nap in, and lunch was optional. Breaking the rules were still okay, if you don't get caught. Now that I'm in the army, working and stuff, I regret not enjoying my schooling life more. 

OFF TO THAILAND WE WENT.

Leaving the comfort of our home and our own country, we traveled, for the first time, to a foreign land, as a family. Took my first ride via the plane, and it was so damn awesome. I cannot forget the view from the hotel. The bright lights of the city, and the strong cold wind at night, and the feeling I had when I realized that it was the first time I've traveled away from home to a place filled with strangers. 

 ARMY CALLED; ENLISTED.

The amount of weight I lost was crazy.

One of the most dreadful thing any Singaporean son can, and will, go through, the army. Shaved my head bald, enlisted with a heavy heart, left my family in Singapore and trained like a dog every single day. There was blood, sweat and tears under rain or shine. I got fit, and really skinny during the four months inside. And then four months passed, and I passed out in an instant. 

But there was some stuffs that happened during the long four months. 

Then came Potassium.

I've never posted a proper picture of her, or of us, before on my blog. So this is the first time you're gonna see them.

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Never thought that I would get a girl friend any time soon, much less while I was serving the army on a faraway island. She was the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life. She was the crazy dream that I NEVER thought I would live. Getting to know her was my privilege, being together with her was my honour. But like any dreams, they all come to an end.  As much as I wish that we're still together, we're not. I hate to admit that I still harbor hopes and wishes that we might still somehow get back together because I miss her so damn much.

PASSING OUT AS A NINJA.

I still remember telling my friends and family, "I will never befriend anyone from camp.". But I guess things changed and friendships were made. I can't believe the boy who used to have just a couple of friends, now have so many different cliques of friends that weekends are burned by spending time with each of the cliques. Guess things change as time passes. 

20 CAME AND LEFT 19 BEHIND

Leon and Roderick

20th came and left silently. Spent the night at the Universal Studios Singapore with some friends. But only Leon and Roderick stuck around. As usual, my birthday was not special. Wanted and expected so much more for this year's birthday, but was once again left disappointed. 

THEN MARIE HAPPENED.

"Who is Marie?" one might ask.

This is the Marie I know before I met her.

This is the Marie I know on the first day we met! IN SINGAPORE.

Yes! My first penpal came to Singapore!!! Another dream come true. Oh my.. What can I say?

She's FREAKIN' AWESOME.

Brought her to the Singapore Flyer and she was too damn adorable. Her reaction when she first entered the Flyer was "Ehhhhhhhhhh? :D". Hands down the cutest reaction I've ever seen. Had her taste some local cuisine.

That's Rojak on the left, and Ice Kachang on the right.

She dislike them both. When asked about the taste, she said "Strange" to Rojak and "Fresh" to Ice Kachang. Who in the world replies this way!? Unique eh? That's Marie for you.

A bottle of sake she bought for me from Japan.

She's so nice to have bought something for me. I'm so glad I found her profile on the penpal website a year back.

Because she had stuffs to do in the daylight, we could only meet twice and both times were at night.

The second time we went out, I brought her to meet my family. My mom cooked up some normal dinner and she had trouble eating them as well. My family loved her, so do I. Had such a great time with her.

Then we went out after dinner, with my sisters and my sister's boyfriend, to Clarke Quay to drink.

From left to right; My sister's boyfriend, Christopher, Audrey, Marie, me and Alice.

Drank a fair amount of alcohol that night. Thankfully for my pay, which included back payment, otherwise I couldn't have afforded to bring her out around Singapore. 

Had her try out the flaming cocktails, Flaming Lamborghini and Waterfall. She liked the waterfall. We went bar hopping around the area. It was so much fun, especially after she got a little high. We just kept laughing.

She's just too beautiful.

And when the time to head home was nearing, we took one last picture before sending her home. It was such a perfect night, couldn't have asked for more. She's like this crazy dream that was near impossible to live out in reality. Who would've thought that I would meet someone online from FRANCE, and that we would become friends. Then she would travel to Singapore, and I have the chance to meet her and hang out with her. Sent her to her apartment's door step and she whispered something to me when we hugged, "When are we doing this again?". I whispered back, "Next year, Japan.". Those few seconds I will forever remember as the best thing that happened to me after the break up. 

Funny how things happen oh so randomly.
How pieces fall nicely together, and how some things fall apart so suddenly.
It's an utmost honor of mine to have the chance to befriend someone from another
end of the world, and to have the chance to bring her around this little red dot.
2012 has been nothing but a hell of a crazy roller coaster ride.
Thank you for being a part of it, Marie Caron.

21st CAME NEXT, AND I BECAME ADDICTED TO CLUBBING.

Have been clubbing a whole lot in recent months. Just a couple of pictures taken when we were out clubbing in November. 

Then we went clubbing for what was supposed to be the last night, and spent a fortune over there. Had so much fun catching with people of the past and present.

Airforce mates.

Then we went clubbing on the last Friday of the year! Had so much fun. Kinda addicted to clubbing, but I don't know why. Maybe it's just a form of stress relief, or to escape harsh reality for a few hours. Or maybe I just want to be happy for awhile. 

That's pretty much it for 2012. It's been such a crazy roller coaster ride. I also realised I've changed a hell lot. From..

To..

I'm sorry that I've changed so much. If only you were here by me, maybe I would've stayed the same person I was few months back. But since you're not, and maybe because the person I used to be wasn't enough for anyone, I figured a change was needed. Y'know, I haven't been happy. Not quite happy enough. I still sit up alone, before I go to bed once in a while, trying to figure out what went wrong where and when. I still reminisce the times we had. I haven't really gotten over you, partly because I don't want to, and partly because I can't. I've tried, trust me, I really have. 2013 better be good, I need it. If you are reading this, which I highly doubt so, I hope you're happy. Stupid Jay Chou and his love songs always get me down. 

 Before I end, I should list down some 2013 resolutions.

• Get to 70kg by 2014
• Have enough savings in my bank account
• Maybe get a tattoo?
• Travel to Japan
• Cut down on clubbing and alcohol
• Do more charity

Maybe this is the reason why I'm constantly high on alcohol. Maybe I'm afraid of doing things, so I use alcohol as a confidence booster or something. I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore.

I don't know what we said to each other before, but I always think of you when I look up and see stars shining brightly in the night sky.

2013, please be good.