Dare me.

"Every day, start again."

So much respect for 'Da Hulk', I've watched this 12 minutes long video more than 5 times now. That's how much respect I have for him. How many human being can grow like him? How many human being can lift weights, and bend iron like he can? How many human being, if granted that they ever reached his physique, can still remain humble and keep their feet firmly planted on ground?

Wait for me big man, I'll be a skinny ass little hulk as compared to you one day. I'll be bigger, better, full of inks, and I'll try to bend iron like you one day. One day, I'll be successful.

Day 7. Belly getting a little out of control.

On a side note, I've been taking mass gainer every damn day, thrice to four times, each day. And I've only just gained 0.7kg. It's the worst diet I've ever put myself through, that I'm so disciplined about. I've never been more proud of myself than I am today. But sometimes I still wonder why I put myself through all these bullshit.

Haven.
Ig: emnism

The irony of me supporting Liverpool is that I always walk alone. & also, human beings are weird as fuck. It's like two different people cross paths, talk for a whole lot like they mean the world to each other, and one fine day just fall right apart. Tomorrows without them seem so hard to come, yet the endless amount of yesterdays spent with each other don't seem to matter anymore. People, weird fucking ass creatures.

Read this beautifully written article about loving someone.

If you love some, don't write about them.

Shuttershock

"I guess it started when I began writing my novel. I almost tweeted about it, actually. "I'm going to write a novel to help cope with the feelings I have for a boy." I deleted it immediately, due to the amount of embarrassment I felt for myself in the dreadful milliseconds the thought was a fully constructed sentence in my mind.

Somehow the idea for the novel derived from the entirety of this man. He mentioned something to me once in a text message, and without noticing exactly what I was doing, I was taking his small notion and turning it into an entire novel. I turned his 20 words into approximately 100,000 in no time, creating a lovely world for us to sink into cozily where no one could disturb us. It was nice at first, as all escapes are, but the addiction comes soon after.

The world became a lovely place to settle. Once the plot was constructed, and the setting was generalized enough to find my city somewhere in the pages, well, then all I had left were the characters that were so easily created. If all else failed that day, I had my writing to be with. And something about it always feels real; you can feel the emotion, the integrity, the love, the moments, even if they're just "made up."

This is how writes go crazy. Our fictional characters are not fictional, and I call bullshit to anyone who claims they actually created a character out of thin air. We can't draw lines as writers. We melt our fictional worlds with our reality and get lost in a sort of writer's purgatory, and that's why we get so hurt by who we love. It's always more to us.

Remember that time in the coffee shop? That's four pages, three years of thought, 1458 words. Remember that time we kissed on the bed when we were both really drunk at that party? That's eight pages, seven years of thought, more words than I can count.

So there you can find yourself, in my countless words and countless word documents, young and thriving in my memories where I can potentially keep you forever. The writing remains to stem from somewhere deeper than fiction." 

- Chelsea Moudry 

"I can turn you into poetry, but I cannot make you love me."

"I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be wanted. // The concept of being needed is way beyond my comprehension."


Dare me. One day, I'll succeed. 

Something old, something new.

"You can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on, it's already gone."

Nothing matter more to me now than these bunch of crazy nutsacks who chose the weirdest person to be their friend. 

I'm done thinking that there are other people who are going to even come to par with these few people. They've seen me at my worst, at my best, when I'm down, literally on my back in a pool of my own puke, and when I'm standing tall as a motherfucker because my growth spurt was crazy.

They've seen me when I was clean, and when I'm inked. When I was skinny as a motherfucker, and when they can't beat me at arm wrestling. They've seen it all. They know my family, I know theirs. It's tough to forge real friendships. It's rough to rough out and find out how different we all are, but still coming to terms with the differences and accepting all of the faults.  

But if that one day really comes when we find better people in our lives, and we go our separate ways, then we will be our very own something old. Go for that something new, go for that fresher, greener pasture that awaits. Because the past has passed, and like Barney Stinson said 'New is always better'. 

A few days back when I almost got myself paralyzed, I thought about alot of stuffs. When the Chinese doctor stuck the two long ass needles down the back of my palm, and twisted and turned them for a good 15 minutes, thoughts raced through my mind. 

"The little iron man in the family's cracking.". Tears kept flowing down my face because the pain was insane. I tried my best to keep them in, but it didn't work. I squirmed and kicked when the pain was too much, but I took it all in. I saw my dad in myself at that moment. I heard how my sister felt my pain when she tried holding me down, and how she made sounds you would make if you saw a woman give birth to a child. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be great if I had a significant other by my side telling me it's gonna be all right". 

It's 30 days before 2014 kicks in. 2013 wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be. I thought 2013 would've been better. But it was one hell of an epic roller coaster ride which has made me learned a shit load of things. Maybe things will take a turn for the better. Maybe 2014 is the year where two wrongs make a right, where the opposites really do attract, and where all bad things do come to an end. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get back on track in life again. 

"Enough, they're enough & I'm happy with them".

"I'm not where I need to be, but thank god I'm not where I used to be"

They're all liars. Pretty little liars.

Gohardwellorgohome

Love's a joke. I really do think that.
Love don't last, because like us, it dies in the end.

Hardwell turnt the fuck up on Friday. It was balls. We went hard.



Jumped, screamed, shouted, pushed, stepped, raved, danced, pumped, swung, spun, hugged, singed and all that shit. We went in at 2030, squeezed to the front of the damn place, and stayed till 2320. Nearly three hours of non stop craziness and dehydration. I swear I came out feeling like I could fly. It was so addictive. To get lost in the music and atmosphere. Forgetting every damn thing for just that few hours, and feeling happy.

We're all masked motherfuckers. Forever lying our way through things. Thinking everything's gonna be alright, when in reality we're all messed up in our own little ways. We search for greater things in life. It's been summer for a very, very long time. I'm sick of the heat. I thought Friday changed the season, it felt that way for a moment. It's such a pleasant surprise to know that perhaps not all is lost. To be recognised, to feel that you're not all that bad.

 
Autumn, you're very much needed right now. You seemed right, at that time. I thought maybe you arrived just in time. You delayed yourself, that's alright. Just as long as you find your way through, I'll be here. Like I have been all these while. And if Summer's ever gonna return, it's all right. Nothing last, & such is life. We find, we lose, we move on and the cycle god damn repeats its fucking self till we die.

We're all lost souls searching for a place to hide. Ride out till the storm's gone. & if you are pleased, you can stay here forever. This hiding place is yours to keep.


I learn that I used to fucking love sadness. It's something I needed to feel every once in awhile to know that I'm still sane. But after 21 fucking years, happiness is taking the wheel. I lose myself in music, in a sea of strangers bobbing and jumping to the beat, feeling infinite. & at that time, I swear we were all immortals. Because, losing all hope was freedom. And I seek freedom in this life of mine.

Summer: Day 470

Life's twisted, and sometimes really funny.

Life's so stupid. Doing things I have zero passion in just for the paper.

Aside from earning moolah for a living, I met up with a few lovely people.

A former form teacher whom I used to dislike because I thought she kept picking on me. But I slowly grew to love her a lot and missed her when she changed school. Now that I'm all grown up, I invited her to a birthday party of a friend of mine, who was also a student of hers in the past, and we had a pretty good catching-up-session. From the past, to the present, from working life, to love life, we shared almost everything. Time's catching up really fast with all of us. We were 16 when she left, now we're 21 and we're all towering over her.

Because her birthday's a day after Roderick's, I asked Keith to get some mini cakes to help them both celebrate in advance. It was really nice to see that she was really happy(or at least in my eyes she was). 

And Roderick turned 21 on the 8th. Celebrated his birthday along with his family and a number of our friends. He got drunk and all of his nonsense soon began. It was really fun though, drinking again only after a week of me promising that I would quit drinking. And it was really nice that some of my friends said that I've changed quite alot, and also Ms C said that I've become quite good looking. 

So I've become quite tall, quite good looking, quite sensible, and quite the opposite of what people expected I would become. That's good, I think. 

Life's twisted. 080413 made me think of you because our anniversary was the four-times-table. It's silly how such little things are still stuck in a corner of my mind and when I think of it, I get all sad and tired and lonely and start feeling bad about life and all that stuffs. 

So to prevent me from thinking of you, I do other things. I appreciate people in my life, and I feel sad about other things.

Dear Ms C, happy birthday to you as well. Really glad you were able to attend the party, even though it was wayyyyy too early and no one was there to actually celebrate, your thoughts and actions were much appreciated. You'll forever be the best form teacher I have had. Meeting up with you after so long, coupled with a few nice comments from you, was really nice. I wish for nothing but the best in your future endeavors, and that you last long with your husband and your whole family is forever happy and blessed.
Forever your worst student, Pow.

For now, I shall cherish these people. These bunch of crazy, funny, lovely, at times irritating, and very much a second family to me. Segunda Familia, te quiero.

Happy birthday my best brother. 21 is a really huge accomplishment. Take everything thrown at you in your stride. For every hurdle you cross, I won't be far behind. Believe me when I say that you're gonna go far in life, maybe way further than me. You're one tough mother fucker, and that's the best aspect about you that you most probably have no idea about. Sorry I'm not the kind of best friend other people have. But I promise I will see you through all of the shit in the future. Cheers to 11 more years to come.

Don't you worry about me, I will learn to love again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not anytime soon. Eventually, when the time is right, I will learn to love again.

That thing that time heals.

I'm done being sad. I'm done thinking "Fuck, I'm single as fuck because I'm me. I'm not good enough for nobody.". I'm done putting myself down.

Though I still have those days where I'll look into the mirror and shudder at the reflection, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I'm beginning to heal from the broken relationship which made me become such a mess for awhile. Life was never, and will never be, fair. It will forever throw curve-balls,  steep roads, rocky hills, fire hoops and what not, at us. We can either dodge them forever, running away from challenges, or we can find ways to deal with them. I took the first step in trying to mend a broken relationship between two ex-es. Now I have come to realize, what a fool I was. Ex-es were never meant to be friends. Maybe a few rare cases will prove that point otherwise, but most of us will forever return to the starting point where we first met, becoming strangers.

I've learnt that it's okay to not be friends. Because one party will forever be holding on to that teeny-tiny ray of hope that one day, everything will return to the way it was. But because the other party has already let everything go, it will NEVER return to times when everything was fine. I've learnt to cut all ties with her, not because she's not good. But because I no longer want to be reminded of how she's constantly living a life so wonderful and so colorful, so different from mine, and that the past seem to have little to no effect on her current life anymore. While I'm still stuck in that shit hole I was a couple of months back where I try to find fault in myself because of that failed first relationship. Constantly reminding myself of how time spent with her was so precious, and only reminding myself of the good times. No more.

By allowing yourself to be reminded only of the good, and not the bad times of the past, you have done no one but yourself more pain than you should feel. 

There will forever be a part of you etched in me. Like how my thoughts have changed so drastically. I have, in the past, for my whole life believed that relationships and things do lasts. I've always told myself that actions speak louder than words and that if you treat the other person the way you want them to treat you, then that's what you will get.

I'm moving on now, sorry it took so long. Life is changing. 5 years later, maybe I will be a better man. For now, I'll do my best in airforce and get myself to places I've never dreamt of going. Places like US for 2 years, and Aussie for a few months and other countries. Who knows what life has instore for us. I'm just sorry for the past, tired of the present and cautiously optimistic about the future. 

2013 please be good. Here's to all the 21st birthday parties we're gonna have this year.

Where's your god now?

I am never, have never and will never be, the perfect friend you guys have. But you guys are more than anything I can ever ask for. And for that, I'm forever grateful to have crossed paths and shared memories together. 

Greetings, March.

Hi March. Time flies.
It was just the beginning of Chinese New Year a few weeks back, and now it's over. Like time, money's gone as well.

Year of the Ssssss-snake

Chinese New Year Day 1, with baby Faith.

CNY Day 2, Mom with baby Eva Fei

When Canada meets China.

This year's Chinese New Year was all about the babies. The family's getting real huge and noisy with all the screaming kids and crying babies. There are two who stood out though, baby Eva Fei and baby Faith. A cousin of mine left for Canada a couple of years back, and came back this year, married and with a kid. Her husband is a French living in Canada and they created this first Eurasian baby in the family. Her name's Eva Fei.

Eva Fei with her Patrick.

Little China Doll

Everyone was vying to play with her. Thank goodness I managed to take a picture with her before my cousin flew back to the Great White North. I also love the little china doll, baby Faith. Because she's so chubby and so independent, she's totally fine when her parents handed her over to us and allowed us to bring her around the neighborhood for a walk without them.

In other not really surprising news, I fell in love with snapping photos of skyandshit.

Acrophobia

Then I started planning for my future.

Say No to 6.9million population in Singapore.

Went for my first ever protest. It was one I was proud to be a part of. Singaporeans of different race, language, and religion stood together as one and voiced out our displeasure in harmony.

#waywire

Got inspired by photos on tumblr, so I decided to make one myself. My own jug of money is growing, many thanks to the red packet I received over the Chinese New Year. This particular pile is for a trip to Japan this year, it's a promise I made to Marie on her last day in Singapore, or rather our last day spent together in Singapore. I cannot afford to break anymore promises, I loathe myself because I couldn't keep one huge one in the past. 

Lastly, friends, celebrity crush and Eminem.

Have been hanging out a whole lot with this three musketeers. Though we're not really a perfect fit, like we're odd in our own little ways and sometimes our humor can't seem to match, I'm thankful for having them in my life right now. It's a new found clique, like it happened only two months ago, though we've known each other for years now, I hope this will go the distance. Thank you for bringing smiles and laughter into my life when I thought I've lost it for good.

Detroit stand up. So glad to have this in my cap collection. It took nearly half a year to arrive, and I thought it would never get here, ever. It's something too good for me to pass on, so I bought it the minute I saw it go on sale. 

Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence's my celebrity crush. She's like this down-to-earth, girl-next-door type of person. She's 22 and she's won quite a number of huge awards like the Oscars and the Golden Globe. 

Simplest way to make you understand why I love her so much.

Yeah, that's all for now.

March, please, please be good.

Drunk Mayans

Merry Christmas to one and all.
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted. It was a planned hiatus, to maybe try and get away from stuffs that weren't really too good for me.

So let's go.

First off.

Secondly

Asked out a couple of people I haven't seen in a while to go club with us on the 21st. It was awesome. Drank a whole lot of alcohol and stuffs. Spent a fortune, and we disappointed the Mayans. We survived Mayans, what's next? 

Like me, the Mayans were probably drunk when they predicted that the world was going to end on 21/12/2012.

Lastly,

Yay to presents.

A little sad it's not Beat by Dr Dre though. BUT, it's still an awesome gift.

I SMELL LIKE BECKHAM

Gift swapped with the family in the noon, love this new found traditional in the family. Love all of my gifts, so grateful.

Let's end with some pictures and videos. 

Instagram: @emnism

Sad case of reality.

A new post will be up soon. Sneak peek?

Goodbye 2012.

She still remind me of you, so damn much,

Also, like Barney Stinson, when I'm sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome. Nah, I stop being sad by watching this video.
Scary snowman's awesome.