Oh hi.

It's been cold, really cold.

The fan in my room hasn't been turned on for two days, that's how cold it is. The rain started on Friday night, I remember because I was stuck in the club for an hour because of it, and hasn't stopped since then. Sleep has been good, so good that good dreams are slowly coming back to me.

Woke up today from one of the many, to a name and a number. Connie, and a number that isn't in use.

The dream's really simple, but a little complicated. Irony. I have no idea how it all started, but I sent her home in a cab or by my friend's car. We chatted on the way back to her home, she was hilarious. I sent her to her home's lift and asked for her number. That's all that I can remember from that dream. I really thought it was reality, but then I woke up from it. As always, I felt really upset. 

Bottoms up tonight, I drink to you and I.

Cause with the morning, comes the rest of my life.

And with this empty glass, I will break the past.

Cause with the morning, I can open my eyes.

I want this to be, my awakening.

I give this one to you, an anthem full of truth.

I tell you now, an epic tale, of what you've put me through.

And even though you don't, deserve one of your own.

A melody, a song about the life that you let go.

I can't believe that I still care enough to write.

Bottoms up tonight, I drink to you and I.

Cause with the morning, comes the rest of my life.

And with this empty glass, I will break the past.

Cause with the morning, I can open my eyes.

I want this to be, my awakening.

Yes I miss you still, and probably always will.

I'm living with a busted heart, that I will have until,

I find the strength I know, it's somewhere in my bones.

To pull the curtain up, and get on with this show.. 

At least you know I still care enough to write.

Bottoms up tonight, I drink to you and I.

Cause with the morning, comes the rest of my life. 

And with this empty glass, I will break the past.

Cause with the morning, I can open my eyes.

And maybe I will see, a different destiny.

Like knowing at all, was only a bad dream.

I want this to be, my awakening.

No rest for the wicked, they say.

Forgive me if I try to change,

No rest for the wicked, they say.

Forgive me if I try to change.

Bottoms up tonight, I drink to you and I.

Cause with the morning, comes the rest of my life.

And with this empty glass, I will break the past.

Cause with the morning, I can open my eyes.

And maybe I will see, a different destiny.

Like knowing you at all, was only a bad dream.

I want this to be, my awakening.

I want this to be my awakening. I want to finally break free from everything I've put myself through in the past six months. I want this new dream of mine to come true, to finally meet someone new. Someone who may actually like me enough to stick it through with me. I've got life planned out, I really do now. I'll bring you around the world, I promise I will. We'll leave this place, and runaway together into paradise. Give me time, and I will give you everything I have. 

One last night of self destruction and I'll try my utmost best to quit clubbing and drinking altogether. For a brighter future, I'll do whatever. 

On a side note. 

I have a pet snail. I named it Patrick.

And I eat like a pig.

Looking back.

When some songs play on my phone, images of you, of us, appear in my mind. Then I start thinking about the times we had, and so many thing else. Then I start to wonder, and think and ponder and then I have questions.

Millions of them.

I don't have to look at our text messages to remember what we said to each other. I don't have to look at the photos we took together to remember how they look like. They're all in here, in my mind that is. Every single one of them, etched deeply inside of me.

Sometimes I lose the battle against myself, I still take a glance at your pictures. They remind me of why I fell in love with you. Why I came to the decision that I wanted you to be my first, and also foolishly hoped that you would be my last. I came to realize that I made the right decision a few months back, when I first enlisted, to choose you. The silly things we said to each other, oh, what great memories they are..

Roderick sent me this image when I told him that I was single all over again.

I still remember that one text you sent which made me think to myself "Damn, this could really go somewhere.". A few weeks later.. You said two words that I have come to hate so thoroughly, "I'm sorry". 

I don't know if you still think of me, but I do. I hate to admit it, but I really do. In fact, I still miss you. So damn much. I miss talking to you, texting you silly stuffs, hearing your laughter, seeing your smile, the smell of your hair, basically, I miss having you by my side.

No I am not your average guy. Maybe I'm too sensitive for a guy, I don't know. Isn't it good to not be another 'one of them'? 

I still remember the first time you came to my place, and when my dad said 'It's good that Eamon's gotten himself a decent girl'. He came to the conclusion that you're a decent girl because of the way you look. Yeah, everyone else agreed. And the semi-restaurant we went to have dinner together with my family that following night, when the manager asked me 'Hey, is that your girlfriend?', I remember that feeling. I'm smiling as I'm typing this down, it's that great of a feel. Every single person around me, important enough to me, knew about you. They were all so happy for me, and told me to cherish you. Everyone except my god mom. She was cautiously optimistic when I told her about us. She was the only person who told me not to give my 100% in the relationship, but I couldn't do it. 

The view of the place where we used to hang out at so much.

One fine night after we went our separate ways, my family and I went back to the same place to have our dinner. I saw the manager, he asked 'Where's your girlfriend?'. I didn't know what to say. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders as I walked towards our table. It's been a month now, 30 long days have passed. I've been through so much, I wish you knew. This October was supposed to be legendary. My POP, my decision to sign on as a regular, my birthday, Eminem's Birthday.. and so much more. But I seem to have forgotten what month it was. 

I don't really know what to look forward to right now. And I have no idea why I've finally decided to make this post. Things have just been bottled up inside of me all these while. Maybe all I needed was someone to talk to, or maybe this little space for me to pour everything out. Dear Potassium, I hope you're doing fine. That way, at least one of us is happy. If given a chance, I'd still choose you. 

Next up: Commitment vs Obligation 

Haha

Accomplishment or failure. POP LO

I present to you..... 1, check, 1.



The trained...... SOLDIERS.

3rd Sergeant Afiq, Recruit Pow Eamon, 3rd Sergeant Ryan, 3rd Sergeant ENRIQUE.

The long overdue parade is finally done and over with. The jockey caps, some floating along the river, but mostly back with their owners. 17 weeks is over.

Transforming from this:

To this.

The journey from becoming a civilian, to a trained soldier, took 17 weeks. 17 long, hellish weeks. What's worse was that we were in NINJA coy(company in short). 

Before I enlisted, I knew nothing about Tekong. I knew nothing about Ninja, Kestrel, or what so ever. I just knew that it was an island far away from home. I wanted to give up so many times, because it was that grueling, for me at least. Ninja's standard was, as they say, "up there". I was never proud to be a Ninja, because I hated it there. But my views and perspective changed when my time was nearing as a Ninja recruit. 

A medal for coming in second for frisbee on games' day. And the small cookie is for getting a Silver for IPPT.

The honor was mine when we were given the games' day shirt.

Best damn shirt in BMTC.

I felt the chill, the need to do well for Ninja. And when we cheered, together as a company, everything changed. I was suddenly proud to be a Ninja recruit. We represented one of, if not, the top company in BMTC, we were indeed, "up there". 

I did myself proud, I maintained my silver for my IPPT, and got myself a medal to bring home. A proof, if you will, to show that my time inside Tekong wasn't wasted. But I somehow got myself injured during the last week in Tekong. I went to the medical center, and I was deemed unfit for the 24KM route march, and the Graduation Parade. I thought, "That's it, game over". 17 weeks have just gone to waste in one trip to the medical center. I talked every commanders. I spoke to my Platoon commander, my Platoon sergeants, my Company's officer in command, my Company's sergeant major, I asked to see the school's Company Officer. But to no avail. I gave up, I had to. But I did get to throw my jockey cap when I booked out with 18 others on Friday morning, while the main body of the company prepared for their 24km route march. 

This journey has been one hell of a ride. Ups and downs came day in, day out. First, I got bald for the first time. Then, I got myself my first girlfriend. Then I did my max repetition for pullups, 19, and got my first silver for IPPT. I made friends, and enemies. Almost got in fights, and ate food that was not meant to be eaten. I went through rain and shine, in the jungle, and in the camp. I shed blood, sweat and tears, and got my heart broken when I lost my first girlfriend. Shot live rounds, threw a grenade, dug my own grave, pooped in the wild, went 6 days without brushing my teeth and showering, and learnt more stuffs than I ever did in school. 

The two jokers in my bunk. Recruit Ong Jia Sheng, and Recruit Zulfaiz

Recruit Tay Yong Sheng. Finally got to take a photo with this bugger. REGULAR LO!

2nd Lieutenant Daryl. My Platoon's commander. Can you believe he's only 20?

Recruit Ong. Buddies for 17 weeks, can't believe time flew past so quickly. An honor to be his buddy.

Recruit Man Yong and Recruit Jing Yuan at the bottom. Crazy ass bunkmates I will never forget.

Never thought I will ever say this, but damn am I going to miss all of them. The tekan sessions, a.k.a punishments, the marching sessions, meals at the cook house, creeping around doing restricted stuffs like buying drinks, making fools out of ourselves, and of course the field camp. I'm so going to miss, sleeping on the upper bunk of the bed on the second floor, the sea breeze, the ultimate pitch black sky filled with stars and a big bright moon, the scorching hot sun shining down on us mercilessly as training carries on, the taunts each company does to each other, and all of the songs we echo daily without fail. 

For now, I will take my long awaited week long break, and hope for the best. 

Tough days don't last, tough men do.

Duty, Honor, Country, Ninja Company.

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Boy to man.

Good day to all of you. It's been awhile since I last visited this small space of mine.

A lot have changed since then. I've grown a little, mentally, physically, attitude wise and perspective of things. 2 weeks of confinement in the army camp was tough. I was home sick, physically pushed to the limit, and I believed I've more or less grown as a person.

A little about army life. I can't really post about detailed stuffs, because there are laws against it. So a little summary shall do.

We exercise, a lot. Three meals a day, but I feel that dinner is way too early because it's at 5-ish to 6. And we usually get hungry at 8 or 9 again. We sleep at 1030, and wakes up at 5. Commands have to be obeyed and standards must be met. If you think that you can get away with trivial stuffs like being late, or bringing your phone around with you, think again. There's a saying in camp, "Monkey see, monkey do", do what most people are doing and you're probably safe. 

I write stuffs during the free time we get in camp. Here are some "If you say less, you offend lesser people. Note to self 'Keep words in mind, shut the fuck up.' ". "The greatest mind of all time is no one else's but yours". "Persevere through the pain. Pain is temporary, glory is forever". "Falling is fine, just come back a stronger man". These type of things keep me going. Self motivation is important to me. Because if I can't even believe in myself, no one else can.

This was me, two weeks ago, just about to begin my army life.

A word of advice to all pre-enlistees, enjoy your civilian life to the maximum. It's a privilege to be a civilian, trust me. Also, push yourself to your limit, because only then will you know that that' your limit.

Okay, done with the army talk. Now about how my life has changed. 

The resolutions I made last year.

- Gain 10kilograms by August. That brings me to a healthy 65kg.
- Graduate by April with a GPA of 2.3.
- Do 15 pull ups at one go.
- Be more tolerant with every one.
- Learn to give more and expect less.
- Be less vocal.
- Learn to be a better listener.
- Do more charity

- Always give a helping hand to those in need.

I just realized I lost 2 kilograms in camp! So I'm only 58kg now. My GPA's below 2, so I failed that too. Um, 15 pull ups? EASY! I'm tolerating with a lot of people in camp, so I guess I'm doing well. 

Physically, I've become a tougher person. I can endure with the pain during long runs and I push myself to my limits every time we do upper body exercises. 

Also, I'm glad that I have someone to think about and text with in camp. That person shall be known as K. She's nice, and sweet. I've never actually liked talking on the phone, but we actually had a 45 minutes long conversation last week.

Also, I received my graduation's photo. 

Heading back to camp tomorrow. Time flies. 'Wake up a different person everyday.'
Till then.
-Eamon

Stay grounded.

In a week's time, I will be free from all the studying, for now. It's the last stretch to reach that freedom, it's going to be tough, and I want to make it.

I went studying with a couple of my friends yesterday night, and two of them are living the pretty life. Money, babes, alcohol, everything that is considered taboo to the current society. They were talking about the lives in clubs and travelling all over the world, and they were speaking with such ease about throwing money away. Four-twenty meant $420 for a bottle of alcohol, but for the rest of us listening to them, this "four-twenty" meant $4.20 for a slightly overpriced meal. The difference between them and I is the way we view the value of money. What they can get in a day, is what I get in a month. The details doesn't matter.

After the study session was over, my other friend and I were talking while waiting for the first bus at 530am. With clear sober minds, we spoke of how our everything is so different between the rich and the poor. Then we realized that we are happy with the way things are going for us because we are easily satisfied. Don't judge, we may not have the wealth and all, but we have simplicity in our lives. The little things, like getting 20$ from my parents mean two extra meals for me, meant nothing to them. The perspectives of different things was just mind blowing. But we were not the least jealous, because that's their lives. And we should concentrate on living our lives instead of fantasizing of what we can't have that people have in theirs.

Here's something that intrigued me and got me thinking. It's old news, but it's gold.
Charlie Sheen Interview
Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses
It's such a hassle when ABC disable the embedding request.

It's these comments that made me think differently about Charlie Sheen.

Also, I read this short story in a book my friend had lent me. 

Paulo Coelho - Like the Flowing River

Moral of this post, live your life. Don't be a fool and try living other people's lives. What matters the most is your own story. Stay grounded till it's time to fly. Don't take flight when your wings have not fully grown. The stories I heard my friends told yesterday kept me thinking, and they made me stay grounded. I don't want to live the life like theirs. I'm happy with the one I'm living right now.

Your story don't end till you're six feet under.

Tired souls.

I was getting a lift from my parents on Monday when I realized how tired they both were. It was already nearing 6pm, and I had just ended school.
I was tired too, but when I saw how my mom managed to sleep on the bumpy ride home, my heart ached. I looked at my dad, and he looked really tired too. Then I wonder, what are we all working so hard for?

From right to left (Top: Sister's boyfriend, sister, me, my cousin) (Bottom: Half sober dad, Mom, and god mother.)

This was taken at a wedding dinner. It was supposed to be a family affair, but my other sister couldn't attend.
A smile covers up so much. Sorrow, anger, disappointment etc. Most of the days, my mom usually goes to bed with a smile on her face. She work so hard, day in and day out. From work, to household chores, she hardly complain.

One more small detail I noticed during the ride home. My mother's bag was really heavy, thanks to the laptop she had to bring to work. And she had to sleep in an awkward position because we were in the van. My mom had stepped on my foot while she fell asleep. I wanted to take my foot away due to a little discomfort, but I stayed put. My mom had went through 9 months of discomfort and pain while bearing me. How could I complain over such a slight discomfort as compared to hers?

A shot of all of my cousins. 

Being the third youngest in this family tree,  I'm also the tallest of them all.

That ride home had me think about so much. I don't really understand life. I really don't.