Only if you mean it.

It was a farewell that took too long.
2013 is finally gone.

It was a year too crazy for me to put the details down in a few thousand words.

There were a billion 21sts we celebrated, K came and went, grew from a party goer to an alcoholic, had hangovers more times in a couple of months than I had in my entire life, went from sober to wasted, clean to inked and so on and so forth.

Numero Tres

2014 has begun, so a new chapter begins.

I am both excited and scared to embark on this new year. Time's passing too quickly, and before anyone ever realise it, 2014 will be over.

P has been nothing but a revelation for me. But I'm still trying to figure out what she will mean to me for this new year. I didn't do what I wanted to do before the clock struck twelve on December 31st. Plans don't work out the way you want them to, life.

A 'fluke' P drew. A stag swag.

I am both terrified and glad about what we have going on. I don't know, I never asked. Mind's telling me to go for it, but heart's telling me to stop for a bit.

Dear Universe,

Give me a sign.

- Em

"Say it only if you mean it. I'm done with maybes and hopefully-s. I want something definite. Something I can put my trust on and not be taken for granted. I want truths and nothing but truths. I want the courage in you.

Dear 2014,

I look forward to having challenges, and breaking them all. I look forward to having more inks and a better shaped me. I look forward to more travels and perhaps, just perhaps, love. I want this year to revolve more around me rather than them.

 I yearn for change, so drastic, people will come up to me and ask if I am still the same person I was a few months back. I yearn for greater things in life. I demand a life lived to the fullest this year. I crave to be something important, something bigger than just a subpar role in people's lives. 

More importantly, I want to be courageous. To do things I never thought of doing. Also, to be utterly straightforward and to chase for things I wouldn't normally chase after. I want to live life this year. I want to feel, I need to feel. This year, shall be legendary. 

-Em             

"In the depths of my soul, I longed to be a part of something large and good; something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for."

The dumb Asian boy.

It's funny how the rest of the world thinks all Asians are smart. Little do they know that on this little island of ours, a couple of dumb blokes reside.

"She sings, she draws, she's pretty, she's funny. She drinks, has a cat, is very fun to be around with, and have really pretty eyes. She wears sneakers, she bothers not much with makeup, and yet she still look so good. She's INTELLIGENT, is friendly, has a great smile and is wayy adorable. She's also way out of my league.".

'Let her decide if she wants you, don't decide for her', I remember reading this from a book.

'Your friend's really funny. He asked me how things between you and I are.'. I'm sorry I didn't give you an answer. I don't want to risk losing the only thing that's beautiful in my life right now. 

"Eamon's got a lot of girls in his life", my friend said.

To that, I pondered. I disagree, with a slight smirk. 

The past has passed, and I'm happy and sad at the same time that things are no longer the same. I'm done with the past, I've moved on totally. I flinch no more when your name is spoken. But I'm happy that we were once an item together, officially or not. To the past, I cheers for the present. I've learnt a shit load of things, but they have made me become someone I am not. Someone I did not see myself to be today. 

I'm no longer that same guy who would attend to her every wants and needs. I'm no longer that guy who cares too much. I'm no longer that guy who wouldn't mind a simple dinner together, because that would be stupid. I'm no longer that guy who would get jealous over little things, because I've learnt to see eight sides to every single thing. I'm no longer that guy I had hoped to become when I turned 21. The me I wished to be when I turned 21, is no more.

Only damn thing I'm proud of is having inks. Having the power to say 'Nope, inking is not pain at all' is more than I can ask for. I'm trypanophobic, but I'm inked anyways.

Dear P,

I do not know how the fuck we got to where we are today, but I'm really glad. So glad you gave me, gave us, a chance to do this. You're so smart, so talented, so funny, and so pretty. You're almost like this tumblr girl every tumblrer hope they can get. The only thing I have that can impress you is with my inks. I don't have much. I'm not smart, not good looking, not buff, not rich, not talented, but I do have inks. Inks I'm proud to own. 

 But like you said, you're nice to everyone and that's no good at times. You unconsciously give too many people false hopes, and you unintentionally break hearts. I do not know I fall under which category, but I really hope I'm not one of the hearts you're gonna break. With that said, I'm only hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Dear cat girl, you're out of this crazy insane world we live in. Thank you for entering my life. 

"Let me hold both of your hands in the holes of my sweater"

"I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, "Kiss me harder," and "You're a good person," and, "You brighten my day.". I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus. 

Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch, or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands. 

But there is nothing more beautiful then being desperate. 

And there is nothing more risky then pretending not to care. 

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans. 

We never know when the bus is coming."

 —Rachel C. Lewis

"I am not your cigarette break"