Old story books.

"People are poison, pow. People are poison. Never forget"

Don't blame me for constantly having different girls to worry over, because I was never this type of person to start with. Well, I guess to be fair, no one was.

You can't just come into my life, make me different, and leave. It doesn't work that way.

I'm not saying that you changed me, but you did play an important role over the past year that made me become who I am today.

Inked, your claim of my left wrist, I still wonder if I'll ever come to regret any of them.

I never forget. I just choose to not remember stuffs.

"Were you kidding about what you said of your ink?", she asked as she held onto my left wrist and looked at it.

I replied with a stern no, and sneaked a peek at her.

I don't know what was going through your mind when you asked me that, or what made you ask that question in the first place. 

Really am just holding on for the night.

I guess it worked eventually, didn't it? People have always been very visual creatures. And I guess getting inked really did turn things a little to my favour.

I can't let my mind go blank. Because that's when it all goes crazy.
It starts to wander, and wonder. It gets all messed up, thinking about every little thing.
Like, what she said that night. Or why didn't I do that. All the whys, whens, hows start pouring out.

I'm not saying I don't mean what I said a few months back. But feelings change, and people change. And at that moment, when you're not there for me nor were I for you, my heart tilted a little.

The world suddenly revolved no more around you, nor did it around anyone else. It just stood still, very still, and made me hella confused. You cannot just expect someone as stupid as me to not do stupid things like falling for you.

And no, I'm not actually all over you right now like I would be a few months back if this happened. I'm kind of proud at myself. About how good I'm keeping my emotions and feelings in check.

"The people who keep saying that they're fine, are usually the people who are not.". 
Well, I guess I'm not fine then.

But if third time really is the charm, then I dare you to come closer.

Making galaxies tonight.

"Vincent Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. Many people thought he was mad and stupid for doing so, because the paint was toxic, never mind that it was obvious that eating paint couldn't possibly have any direct correlation to one's happiness, but I never saw that. If you were so unhappy that even the maddest ideas could possibly work, like painting the walls of your internal organs yellow, than you're going to do it. It's really no different from falling in love, or taking drugs. There is a greater risk of getting your heart broken, or overdosing, but people still do it everyday because there was always that chance it could make things better. Everyone has their own yellow paint."

I am but bones and questions.

"Are you an idiot?"

"No, sir, I'm a dreamer"

"My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me they way I see myself."

I hate the beginning of anything new. The part where you yearn for the attention of the person you're talking to, though received, hardly comes easy. I don't like that feeling that you're often being forgotten, left at the back of their minds, only to be remembered when the night turns old.

The only real therapy right now for me is tattooing. I don't know why. It kinda takes my mind off of stuffs, and only concentrate on inking alone. Plus, the people there are really nice. Though heavily inked, they're pretty good people. & society tells us not to judge a book by its cover.

"Take shit in your stride."

But this situation I'm in, it's not all bad. It's making me grow. It's maturing me, mentally and emotionally. On one hand, I want to be single and live live without a care. But on the other, I want to be attached, tied down, and lead the couple life.

21 is a messy age for me. Everything's coming too quickly. The education of dollar bills and politics. Juggling time among family, friends and colleagues. Stepping into new relationships, meeting new people, trying stuffs out for the first time, taking risks, and all that shit. I was but a teenager a year ago. Society expect too much from 21 year olds.

I've also learnt to be straightforward this year. I'm going to risk losing P because I'm going to ask her something stupid but really important. I want to start 2014 afresh. If losing P is going to happen, I want it to happen before 2014. I want everything bad to stay in 2013. I'm crazy that way.

So here's to the last 5 days of 2013. Leave the bad stuffs behind. Let's move forward.

"I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words, but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, and disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling." - Hakuri Murakami