Minor struggle

"& even though we're always against the odds, these are the things that have moulded us.".

Sometimes I feel like I'm good for nothing. Like, every single thing I do is & will never be enough. It's like no matter how hard I try, I'm just not good enough. What the fuck should I do?

"I'm not much, but I'm all I have.". - Philip K. Dick

I remember reading something like this 'We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, but to create something that will.'. Memories are part of that right? Something that might last forever. I'm just trying to create good memories that might last forever, & also maybe hopefully I'm part of those memories.

The last time I lost myself to my mind was about a year ago, when a part of me just died when K left. I gave up, I fucked up. I messed my life up momentarily. I got bad, real bad. So bad I almost couldn't recognise myself anymore. It took time, a lot of it, to slowly crawl out of that bad place, and sobered up. I was beginning to recover, something I had been longing for, to finally find myself once again. But then I realized that nothing is what I thought they were. It's like my whole damn life is a lie. A chunk of fantasy I created, and constantly lived in. I had the idea of perfection, the idea of happy ever after, the idea of the best of both worlds.

This post is really random. It's not about anything, but it's not about nothing either. It's just that sometimes I feel life is too unfair. Because no matter how hard I try, I feel that I'm no where near enough for anything. I also think I finally found something I'm good at. It's one thing I think I do best, but it's still not good enough.

I'm really not. I never was, am not, and never will be.  Because I'm in a constant battle with my mind, and I'm always at the losing end.

Before I sink any deeper & say anything I might regret saying later on, I'll stop here. 

Next month's gonna be so awesome. 

Japan, Taiwan, Hardwell @ Fort Canning Park. Tattoo. Gahhhhh so excited.