Life as it is.

I look back, when life was carefree and stress was never in my dictionary, and think. How foolish I was to never have spent every second like it was my last. I could've done so much more, the road I am on now would have been so much more different. Maybe better? Maybe worse? I won't know. But I'm happy at where I am now, how can I not be.



I've made so many mistakes in the past, the near past, and I regret. But those mistakes made me a better person. I feel that I've grown up so much in the past year or so. I feel like I'm a better person, I don't know how I look like in other people's point of view, but I feel happier.



You know how much I idolise on Eminem, I have managed to memorise so many of his songs in my head. Whenever I'm alone in school, and there's time to spare, I would go to somewhere quiet, somehow elevated. I would go to my school's tallest floor and just sit there, on the flight of stairs, admiring the beauty of looking at things from afar, and away from all the noise. I would play his songs over and over on my ipod and just chill. An hour passes by as if it was a minute. Things run through my mind when I'm sitting there, alone. There are so many things I would think of, and be sad. They call me emo, but I really am not. I just prefers to be away from everyone and think. Is that wrong? I'm a little anti-social, and very much an introvert.

Do you know what i've been through? It might not be much, but it's what goes on in my mind that kills me. Things in my mind hits me so hard, sometimes I blank out.

People judge me because of how I portray myself, how I appear to be. But maybe there's another side of me waiting to appear. I don't really know myself much, so how can you know me well? Ask me how many times have I really feel lost. I don't have the answer myself. Ask me how many friends do I have. I can count them for you. And ask me how many people do I trust. I would think for a second and say, "My mother".



I would say more, but people would judge. So for now, I'm just going to stop.



Signing off.