Cleansing my soul

"Here comes the feeling you thought you had forgotten."

There are times when I catch myself daydreaming, and drifting into wonderland.
The past where we held hands, walked down the streets of other countries, carefree and in love.

There are times when I wake from dreams, instead of nightmares.
But recently, there are more of the latter and then I realise I'm actually living the real deal.
I wake up from a heartache, from you telling me we're done. To waking up, and feeling the actual heartache, and knowing the fact that we are in fact, done.

I'm beginning to smile.
Slowly, I'm beginning to smile again.
I found something great again.
The feeling of resting a tired body from work and gym onto a cold mattress.
That's how little I'm living for right now, but that's all I'm looking forward to in this pile of mess.

I realised all the dumb things I've been doing.
I'm done with all of them dumb things.
I really am.


I never told you that you left a lipstick stain on my cabinet mirror.
I never cleaned that away, because I thought it would be funny to show it to you in person.
And now, I will never get the chance to and I don't feel like cleaning it away.

Everyday before I leave for work, or wherever, I would look at that mark and think about how great we once had it.
Really. We had it GREAT.
We had so much planned.
Just thinking about them put a smile on my face.

But a few of my friends are going through the same thing.
And I guess my situation isn't as bad as how they have it.
But that doesn't take away the fact that this still hurt like paper cuts on my heart.

It's going to take time huh?
Lots of it ain't it?

In the meantime, I'm going to do me and get ready for life.
Get bigger, get stronger, build higher walls, prepare for tougher falls.
Eat better, act smarter, talk lesser and act way more.
Talk to a few, talk to a few more. But nothing more.
Stop chasing, stop chasing. Stop chasing Pow, stop chasing.
I mean it. Stop chasing.
It's not going to help you. So stop chasing.
Pay your bills, travel the world.
Finish the chest piece, conquer your own world.
Run that mile you've been thinking of.
It's okay if you fall.
Get back up by yourself.
Because at the end of the day. All you have is you and you.
Don't depend on nobody anymore.
Start living. Stop dreaming.