That thing that time heals.

I'm done being sad. I'm done thinking "Fuck, I'm single as fuck because I'm me. I'm not good enough for nobody.". I'm done putting myself down.

Though I still have those days where I'll look into the mirror and shudder at the reflection, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I'm beginning to heal from the broken relationship which made me become such a mess for awhile. Life was never, and will never be, fair. It will forever throw curve-balls,  steep roads, rocky hills, fire hoops and what not, at us. We can either dodge them forever, running away from challenges, or we can find ways to deal with them. I took the first step in trying to mend a broken relationship between two ex-es. Now I have come to realize, what a fool I was. Ex-es were never meant to be friends. Maybe a few rare cases will prove that point otherwise, but most of us will forever return to the starting point where we first met, becoming strangers.

I've learnt that it's okay to not be friends. Because one party will forever be holding on to that teeny-tiny ray of hope that one day, everything will return to the way it was. But because the other party has already let everything go, it will NEVER return to times when everything was fine. I've learnt to cut all ties with her, not because she's not good. But because I no longer want to be reminded of how she's constantly living a life so wonderful and so colorful, so different from mine, and that the past seem to have little to no effect on her current life anymore. While I'm still stuck in that shit hole I was a couple of months back where I try to find fault in myself because of that failed first relationship. Constantly reminding myself of how time spent with her was so precious, and only reminding myself of the good times. No more.

By allowing yourself to be reminded only of the good, and not the bad times of the past, you have done no one but yourself more pain than you should feel. 

There will forever be a part of you etched in me. Like how my thoughts have changed so drastically. I have, in the past, for my whole life believed that relationships and things do lasts. I've always told myself that actions speak louder than words and that if you treat the other person the way you want them to treat you, then that's what you will get.

I'm moving on now, sorry it took so long. Life is changing. 5 years later, maybe I will be a better man. For now, I'll do my best in airforce and get myself to places I've never dreamt of going. Places like US for 2 years, and Aussie for a few months and other countries. Who knows what life has instore for us. I'm just sorry for the past, tired of the present and cautiously optimistic about the future. 

2013 please be good. Here's to all the 21st birthday parties we're gonna have this year.

Where's your god now?

I am never, have never and will never be, the perfect friend you guys have. But you guys are more than anything I can ever ask for. And for that, I'm forever grateful to have crossed paths and shared memories together.