The kid no one really knew.

He, who loathes attention, wants more friends.
He, who wants more friends, likes to be left alone.
He, who thinks alot, speaks very little.
He, who is often seen sulking, wants to smile.
He, who is afraid to fall, wants to jump.

He, the person no one really understand, is me.
I, myself, don't really know who I am and what I really like. Up to date, having lived for 19 years, I know not more than fifty percent of what I really live for.

Will anyone, other than my family, cry when I die? Will anyone know that I am dead if no one tells. Will anyone bother to call me up to check if I'm still breathing if I disappear from their lives? Today I realize that I really am just a shadow in most people's lives. If I disappear without a word, no one will really notice.

Do you know why I dislike talking? It's not that I'm born with autism, but because of reasons. Reasons no one really know, maybe up until now. I used to chatter alot, so much that it would be rare to see my lips meet. Then people told me that I talk too much, too often and people started to leave me. I had so little friends that I hated school. Going to school was a torture, because I had no friends to talk to and I was always left alone. During breaks, I would stay back in class with the lights off just sitting in my seat waiting for something to happen. No one would ask me to join them, and I would just starve for the whole day. And when I go back home, there's no one there to accompany me too. I either used the time to sleep, or use the computer. Then time passed and I realized that I was more well-liked when I keep my mouth shut. That's when all the words started to stay inside of my head.

My heart still aches when I think about the times when I was left alone in class and no one bothered to talk to me. They ruined me, a perfectly fine boy, so badly.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net