Looking back.

When some songs play on my phone, images of you, of us, appear in my mind. Then I start thinking about the times we had, and so many thing else. Then I start to wonder, and think and ponder and then I have questions.

Millions of them.

I don't have to look at our text messages to remember what we said to each other. I don't have to look at the photos we took together to remember how they look like. They're all in here, in my mind that is. Every single one of them, etched deeply inside of me.

Sometimes I lose the battle against myself, I still take a glance at your pictures. They remind me of why I fell in love with you. Why I came to the decision that I wanted you to be my first, and also foolishly hoped that you would be my last. I came to realize that I made the right decision a few months back, when I first enlisted, to choose you. The silly things we said to each other, oh, what great memories they are..

Roderick sent me this image when I told him that I was single all over again.

I still remember that one text you sent which made me think to myself "Damn, this could really go somewhere.". A few weeks later.. You said two words that I have come to hate so thoroughly, "I'm sorry". 

I don't know if you still think of me, but I do. I hate to admit it, but I really do. In fact, I still miss you. So damn much. I miss talking to you, texting you silly stuffs, hearing your laughter, seeing your smile, the smell of your hair, basically, I miss having you by my side.

No I am not your average guy. Maybe I'm too sensitive for a guy, I don't know. Isn't it good to not be another 'one of them'? 

I still remember the first time you came to my place, and when my dad said 'It's good that Eamon's gotten himself a decent girl'. He came to the conclusion that you're a decent girl because of the way you look. Yeah, everyone else agreed. And the semi-restaurant we went to have dinner together with my family that following night, when the manager asked me 'Hey, is that your girlfriend?', I remember that feeling. I'm smiling as I'm typing this down, it's that great of a feel. Every single person around me, important enough to me, knew about you. They were all so happy for me, and told me to cherish you. Everyone except my god mom. She was cautiously optimistic when I told her about us. She was the only person who told me not to give my 100% in the relationship, but I couldn't do it. 

The view of the place where we used to hang out at so much.

One fine night after we went our separate ways, my family and I went back to the same place to have our dinner. I saw the manager, he asked 'Where's your girlfriend?'. I didn't know what to say. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders as I walked towards our table. It's been a month now, 30 long days have passed. I've been through so much, I wish you knew. This October was supposed to be legendary. My POP, my decision to sign on as a regular, my birthday, Eminem's Birthday.. and so much more. But I seem to have forgotten what month it was. 

I don't really know what to look forward to right now. And I have no idea why I've finally decided to make this post. Things have just been bottled up inside of me all these while. Maybe all I needed was someone to talk to, or maybe this little space for me to pour everything out. Dear Potassium, I hope you're doing fine. That way, at least one of us is happy. If given a chance, I'd still choose you. 

Next up: Commitment vs Obligation 

Haha