Failing two modules, and staying for half an additional year in school. The problems I'm facing and am going to face have been bugging me for the past 20hours or so.
And I started thinking, maybe a little too much, because I couldn't get back to sleep at 530am.
I'm the black sheep in the family. The dumbest of the children, the one with the most problems, and the one that has not done anything to help this family.
I have 2 older sisters, and I'm going to tell you of their achievements.
My eldest sister, has always been good in studies. Or should I say awesome. She took 21 years, which is the minimum, to finished schooling in Singapore. From Primary school, to university, her results have never let both my parents down. In fact, she's the pride of the family. Whenever we go back to Malaysia to visit our relatives, my father would tell my aunties and uncles, how well my sister had done in school. She's one of the main reason why I get to eat good food on occasion. Because everytime she get good grades, my father would bring us out to feast and celebrate. And she has been working ever since she got out of University, and she helps carry the financial burden of the family.
Then there's my second sister. Her grades were not the best, but they were not the worst. Her grades were slightly above average in school, and gave my parents minimal amount of complaints during her schooling days. Being an independent girl, she went to tuitions by herself, worked while studying, and had little to complain when schooling and working at the same time took its toll on her. She finished schooling in 20 years, graduating from Polytechnic last year, she has been working ever since. And she also helps carry the financial burden of the family.
Then there's me, a problematic kid since Primary school. My eldest sister was often called up to my class, because my homeworks were not done on time. My parents visited the school like it was their second home because of my problems. Long hair issues, failing examination issues, not handing up homework issues and a slight case of attitude problem. And that was only in the Primary school. Then I graduated from Primary school, and on to Secondary school. Having done badly in the PSLE(Primary School Leaving Examination), I got into a lowly regarded Secondary school opposite of our house. And the problems started to pile on since the first day of school. Homeworks were not finished on time, grades couldn't get any worse, attitude problems in school, playing truancy once in awhile, long hair, and the list goes on and on. My mother often cried at night because of all the additional problems I gave her, and the bad grades achieved. I swear I thought she was going to disown me, or just kill me. I was a shame to the family, someone that pulled the family down. Tuitions were never ending for me. My mother spent thousands of dollars getting me into tuitions, but I was never appreciative of her actions, and sometimes I would skip tuitions without her consent. I never had a chance to celebrate my results with good food, because if my results were to get me anything, it would be a certificate to nowhere. But I finally got something I thought was not so embarrassing, a path to Polytechnic. I remember my father once told me that if I could get into any Polytechnic, he would be more than happy to fetch me to school everyday. Because he didn't believe that I could get into a Polytechnic. I guess that was my motivation to get an average grade that would eventually get me to where I am now. But the situation I am in now is not pleasing.
Now, are you convinced that I am the black sheep in the family, the bad apple of the bunch, the anchor to the ship, the dark clouds to the sky? I really need hope, and belief. I'm afraid I would be back in my old shoes. I don't wanna be the same guy that made his mother cry. I need to start to achieve, start to be the child that my parents would have no shame talking to others about.
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